


Unlucky Lies

by Winterlynne_Norvic



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood and Violence, Boys Kissing, Demonic Possession, Demons, Hurt/Comfort, If i missed any tags do tell me please, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Kissing, M/M, Multiple Dimensions, No meds, Please read, Stuff will make sense as you read, cause that's a tag and I like it, first completed fic, kinda OOC, not permanent character death, this gets messy, this is fluffy i swear
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-04
Updated: 2019-03-05
Packaged: 2019-10-04 09:18:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 26,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17301980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Winterlynne_Norvic/pseuds/Winterlynne_Norvic
Summary: Neil is a demon. Sort of.He kind of looks like one.He can be summoned.His new (maybe) victim? Andrew MinyardNeil hates being a demon.Andrew hates Neil.Their lives are hell, but maybe with each other it doesn't have to be.(Chapter 12 is an announcement regarding the future sequels of this fic)





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for a prompt my friend @purplew (on tumblr) gave me, I've worked very hard on this for a very long time, and the great news if the fic is already completely written and I'm just posting it in chapters for maximum effect and because I didn't want to spend a week posting it all at once!  
> I'd like to thank my friends @Shell_Writes (on ao3), @myshoemysatan (on tumblr) and @purplew for supporting me, reading the random snippets (and hopefully the whole fic considering they each got sent the complete thing the day I finished it) , and for letting me rant and complain and generally bother them with how the fic was going.  
> Anyway, this may seem like a mess at first, but I hope you guys enjoy it and stay with me because it gets better I promise!

Neil was a demon; or something like one anyway. He did have the horns, two a top his head, tall curved ones made of bone that stood proud in his auburn hair.

He also had the eyes, uncanny and feline in appearance, yet the color of an unmovable icy blue. In his mouth were 2 fangs, much like a vipers, yet not venomous in the least.

However he had not the scales or fur, the wings or tail kin of the demon had. Yet whatever Neil was, he definitely wasn't human.

Another trait that he had in common with demons was the ability to be summoned. At first he didn't understand how or why, but he soon learned it was due to the words “im fine”

Now Neil didn't understand the importance of the words, but whenever someone said them in dishonesty he was brought to them and his presence turned their luck sour. In some cases it was so extreme that the unfortunate soul would die.

Of course it was unfortunate, but their loses never saddened Neil in the way it would a person born to humanity.

Neil didn't think he'd been born.

He had no parents, and observing humanity-his favourite pastime-he considered himself lucky.

Even thinking of parents made him shudder. His eyes would clench shut, his mouth would dry and his palms would become clammy.

It was the most peculiar thing.

Why did thinking of parents, his in particular, the ones he didn't even have, fill him with fear and _dread_?

Shaking off his thoughts he took in his new victim. Victim might have been the wrong word; he didn't want to give this person bad luck (take away all their good luck?) but here he was and that's what he was doing. Not on purpose but he had a feeling that wouldn't matter to this boy.

_Seth_.

Neil tested his name out in his mind. It was new one. He’d never given a Seth bad luck before. He also didn't think Seth was going to survive this, but he’d keep his thoughts to himself.

Not that Neil had ever tried to share them. Now _that_ wouldn't go over well. At. All.

Neil, now wearing a mortal form of his appearance, sat at a table in some dark club overlooking the dance floor, and more importantly, Seth.

The lights flashed and Neils skin began to crawl. He hated clubs with a passion. How he always seemed to end up in one was beyond him.

The music was too loud, wild and uncontrollable, and pulsing furiously. Before long his heart fell into rhythm with it, and unconsciously he began to sway appearing hypnotized.

It was ethereal almost, and it caused Neil to attract attention for reasons beyond his understanding. It was annoying having mortals talk to him, but every now and then he learned something when the rare occurrence actually came to pass.

The thought made him smile faintly but fondly. Matt had been one of the people that actually benefited from Neil’s presence.

It was the first time a victim ever noticed Neil. Matt had walked straight up to him and started a conversation. How someone full of joy could have been not fine made Neil, not sad, no that wasn't it, but it didn't sit right with him.

It took Matt time, he had bad luck for months before one day, he just seemed to realize faking it and lying about being fine wasn't doing him any favours.

Matt wasn't fine, and when he finally admitted it the bad luck just stopped.

That's when Matt got better. Not immediately, but he asked for help and worked on actually becoming fine instead of hoping that it would just work out.

Now Matt was doing more than fine, and Neil visited him every now and then. Dan too, she was nice, probably the thing that made Matt’s life more than fine.

Neil’s smile dimmed a bit at that.

He didn't have a purpose. Not truly.

He looked over at Seth the exact moment someone “bumped” into him and stole Seth’s wallet.

Neil sighed.

How could that be his purpose? Why was making people more miserable than they were the only thing he could do?

Matt had a purpose, Dan did too. So did Renee, and Jeremy, and Wymack.

But they were mortal. Neil was not.

Neil sighed again, and watched Seth get punched in the face.  
…

It was like this for a while. Seth got worse. Of course he did. Seth may have cursed fate, but it was Neil.

And maybe Neil was guilty, he always was, but the worst part was having to feel it at all. How could he exist like this?

(Not live, this isn't living. Calling this a life would be the biggest fucking joke Neil had ever heard, and he had heard quite a few thanks to Matt.)

Watching Seth was becoming a form of torture. He didn't even find the bastard pleasant! But Neil knew that he didn't deserve this.

He didn't deserve many things.

The beating.

The theft.

Getting sick.

Losing his job.

The addiction.

Dying.

He didn't deserve it.

Neither did his girlfriend.

She didn't deserve to find her dead boyfriend on the floor of their bathroom overdosed and long gone cold.

It pained Neil that he caused it. Inadvertently, but he caused it.

That's what happens when you say you're fine too many times.

Neil’s existence was a curse.

But he was fine.

He was fine.  
He was _fine_.  
He was **_fine_**.

And if that wasn't the biggest lie ever.

Neil was very _not fine_.

And maybe admitting that would save him.

…

After Seth died, Neil hoped for a small break. A relieve. Anything. But no. That wasn’t what happened. Instead the next victim was Jean. He didn't die, but months of getting abused was probably almost as bad.

He lived though. Jean didn't seem to think that was a good thing. But he was alive, and that's all Neil could hope for. He had a feeling Jean would be more than fine eventually too, Jeremy would make sure.

_(Was that why he lived?)_

After Jean was Kevin.

Kevin seemed to be in the same boat as Jean. Abused endlessly for what? Fun? It was sick, and horrible what happened, but Neil couldn't stop it. Hell, he probably _caused_ it.

Yet Neil watched, and waited. Always watching, he would not look away from them. They didn't deserve to be alone when he was causing their suffering.

Yet a broken hand a few months later finally brought Kevin to Wymack. Neil couldn't believe it. Another victim alive, after so much bad, but _alive_. What was happening?

_(Was that why he lived?)_

Next was Allison, she suffered too. Getting disowned, not for coming out as bi, but for her parents telling her that being bi was just a rebellious phase to annoy them, then she decided to play baseball out of spite. She was good, really good, and that was the last straw for her parents, when she wouldn't quit, they did. Losing Seth over a year before was bad, but she looked past it. _Looked_. Depression never really goes away, and it came back in force.

Yet even she eventually realized she wasn't fine. (Over a sob fest and some cake mind you, but everyone deals with grief differently) Renee was there for Allison, and Neil could _feel_ that Allison would be more than fine too.

_(Was that why she lived?)_  
…

The streak continued. No one died, not for a while at least.

Nicky and Erik turned out fine, as did Robin and Jamie.

And then came the twins.

The twins were 5 feet tall identical in almost every physical way blond boys with social problems.

Neil wasn't there for both of them though. Just the one. Just Andrew.

Andrew.

His name tasted familiar on Neils tongue. Sweet and faint like a long forgotten yet happy memory.

But the boy, _Andrew_ , looked neither sweet or happy. Quite the opposite actually. He was all dark clothes and blank faces and empty eyes. Knives were kept hidden in areas on his person, but made appearances frequently enough.

The only things that did not match his appearance were the color of his eyes, a molten honey color, possibly Amber, the platinum blond of his hair like a halo, and his very short stature.

The longer Neil stared at Andrew the more his neck prickled. The feeling was unfamiliar and Neil couldn't name it, but even he knew calling Andrew a boy was wrong.

It was very clear he wasn't one, and probably hadn't ever been.

Others could sense this too, surly that's why they called him monster. Neil didn't agree with the title, Neil had met _real_ monsters and Andrew wasn't one, but he wasn't like the others. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had enough time so I decided to put up the next chapter as well! Yay!

Neil _Andrew watched_ from his place on the school’s bleachers as he had done so for the past fortnight.

_Andrew watching_ was Neil's version of people watching, although he didn't bother to observe anyone but Andrew.

His bad luck had yet to go extremely sour, so far he'd been in a fight and escaped mostly unscathed, however he did end up getting a month's detention for pulling out knives. It could have been worse, but self defense was a valid enough excuse.

His locker had exploded in pig’s blood next. Andrew just didn't care at first until he remembered about his book. The book didn't look special, it was worn and yellowed, with dog eared pages and a cracked spine. The cover was so damaged that you couldn't see what it had once said, but Neil had seen him flip through the book and start reading from wherever on more than one occasion.

The book didn't look special, but it was to Andrew, and now it was ruined.

It filled Neil with despair to see Andrew's eyes so dead, more so than before. It was made worse by the fact Neil knew that it was his presence causing Andrew's pain.

Some other bad things happened throughout the week, but Andrew moved on.

It was weird.

Andrew didn't appear to be a person that would say ‘I'm fine’. Not because he didn't think Andrew would respond in the first place, but because no one seemed to care enough to ask.

A sharp whistle interrupted Neil's train of thought, just in time for him to watch Andrew get kicked out of gym class for hitting the ball at a kid’s head. On purpose. Again.

The kid was furious, yelling at the teacher for letting Andrew off easy, while everyone else backed away from him out of fear.

Neil was so absorbed in the scene this kid was making, he didn't even notice Andrew come up beside him.

“He's a spoiled brat.” Andrew said.

His voice startled Neil, making him jump. Usually no one could sneak up on him; Matt had tried on numerous occasions and it just never worked. Yet Andrew wasn't even trying and Neil was practically falling out of his seat.

“Clearly.” Neil replied (after hiding his shock).

Neil waited until Andrew was seated to ask.

“So why’d you do it?”

Andrew raised a brow at Neil, who in turn just nodded towards the direction of the field.

“Being a brat isn't reason enough to get hit?”

Neil shrugged. “For others maybe, but you wouldn't. Not for that.”

Andrew gave him a look, somewhere between displeasure, contemplating murder and curious.

“He deserved it.”

“And worse probably.” agreed Neil.

He thought Andrew would leave it at that but after some consideration he spoke again.

“He destroyed something personal of mine with that stunt he pulled on my locker.”

“Oh.” the shocked breathy sound was out of Neil before he could contain it, catching Andrew’s attention.

“What?” the word was cutting coming from him.

Neil shook his head, “Nothing.” he turned his eyes to the field to hide his fury, but not before Andrew caught a glimpse.

Yet when Neil turned back to face him it was like it had never been there.

“Im sorry Andrew.” he said after what seemed like a while but was probably only minutes.

“For what?”

Neil shrugged uncomfortably. “He hurt you. I'm sorry that he hurt you.”

Andrew made a sound of disgust, but joined Neil in watching the spectacle down below. Not that Neil watched for very long. With Andrew beside him Neil could see things he'd never noticed before now that he was up close. Very close.

There was a scar through one eyebrow, thin and faded with age. His nose had a bump from not healing completely straight after being broken, possibly more than once. Freckles dusted his nose and cheekbones, which looked sharp enough to make Neil bleed when he imagined tracing them with his fingers.

~~_Neil didn't know why he wanted to._ ~~

“Staring.”

Neil looked up startled.

“Wh-what?!” he hoped the red wasn't spreading across his face the way he knew it probably was.

“You. Were. Staring.” the words were judgy and bored all at once.

Neil pouted, “Was not.”

“What are you? A child?” his tone was borderline disgusted but sounded amused while still managing to look as apathetic as always.

Neil stuck out his tongue, fueling Andrew’s point, but otherwise appeared unbothered by it.

“You’re always staring.”

Neil looked over at him confused, but Andrew just shook his head like clearing away some thoughts, and they fell into a semi-comfortable silence while together they watched the boys practice as Andrew waited for class to end.  
…

The next few weeks followed a similar pattern. Andrew would torment a kid (usually the spoiled brat) and get kicked out of gym class, somehow never getting more than a few detentions, sometimes not even those. Neil had a feeling the teacher had a soft spot for Andrew considering that they never got mad at him for not participating or walking away because he was bored.

On the rare day, Andrew wouldn't get kicked out. On rarer days he wouldn't show up at all, but he always came back the next. He never offered up any explanation, so Neil didn't ask, he considered it every time, but he knew Andrew wouldn't give information like that away. Not yet.

At the moment, Andrew was chain smoking his last pack of Cigarettes, and Neil was helping by stealing the occasional one and letting it burn out in his hands, only taking drags every now and then to keep it lit.

“Y’know, these things will kill you.” Neil said conversationally.

Andrew did the annoying(ly cute) eyebrow raise and mouthed the word _hypocrite_.

Neil shrugged and moved into a lounging position on the bleachers, elbows on the seats behind him, head back and feet on Andrew’s backpack.

The sun illuminated his auburn hair turning it a breathtaking fiery color, while his throat looked very biteable (Andrew scowled at the idiot in hopes of clearing away his stupid thoughts.)

“I’m just saying, you my dear Andy, are in a quickly sinking ship.”

Andrew stilled and turned his head painstakingly slow towards Neil.

“What did you just say?” the words were dangerous, it was too bad for Andrew that Neil didn't give a shit.

“I actually don't recall. Let me think on it for a bit...Andy.”

Andrew had a knife out and pointed at Neil in 2 seconds flat.

“Try fucking calling me that again and see what happens.”

Neil shrugged “Whatever you say Drew.”

It was worth getting pushed off the bench in Neil's opinion, even if he had dropped his cigarette.

When he was once again seated (in a less pushable way) the bell rang and Neil waited for Andrew to pack up and go.

Yet he made no move to.

“Andrew?” he asked.

Andrew stared blankly at him.

“The bell rang.” he pointed out. Andrew just kept smoking.

“You're going to miss class.” Andrew raised a brow impassively.

“You can't skip school!” and Andrew. Actually. Snorted.

“Says the person who I've never seen not skip school.”

Neil waved a hand dismissively, “I don’t go to school.” Andrew stared at him for a few uncomfortable seconds before Neil realized what he said. “Here. I don't go to school here. Yep, that’s what i meant.”

Andrew shakes his head at him, somehow managing to look condescending even under all the apathy.

“Whatever. I'm bored, lets go.”

Neil scrambled to get up as well, almost falling again in the process.

“Go?”

Andrew looked at him like he was dumb.

“Yes. Now hurry up or i’ll leave you here.”

Neil didn't even hesitate, “No you won't.” Andrew wasn't quick enough to push him down the bleacher stairs, but Neil didn't really think he was trying very hard.  
…

It was a quick walk, no more than 15 minutes, and though they didn't talk much, it wasn't long before they arrived at a small house. Two floors, the last one on the street and bordered the woods, almost blending in with the faded colors.

Neil looked over at Andrew question written on his face.

“I live here.” Is all he said, before pulling out keys and walking down the small stone path that went straight from the sidewalk through the dead grass that looked like it had been burned by the sun, and up to the front door.

Neil nodded, curious despite himself. This was probably the last place Neil thought Andrew would bring him, and for the most part he was right.

Andrew hadn't wanted to bring Neil to his house. He almost scoffed out loud at the thought. If anything he was a temporary guest, even though Aaron vehemently denied that, Andrew knew Tilda hated him. Too bad for her though that their “uncle” had found out about Andrew and had made her keep him.

He wouldn't even have the last name Minyard if Aaron hadn't insisted. Tilda certainly didn't care.

Neil trailed behind Andrew, a tad bit slower, appearing almost apprehensive when faced with the idea of going in. He reminded Andrew of a rabbit just itching to runaway.

“I could stay out here?” Neil weakly offered.

Andrew raised a brow at Neil, “Rabbit complex much?”

Neil huffed in annoyance before finally entering the house, unable to back down from the unvoiced challenge.

It appeared that the rabbit had anger issues.

“So why are we here?” Neil asked, annoyance gone as fast as it came. Or probably shoved down. He seemed like the type to do that.

“Because no one else is.”

Neil didn't ask questions, and accepted the answer with a nod.

“Feel like doing anything?” Neil asked.

“Not really.” Andrew replied.

Neil accepted that too and wandered in the direction of the living room, leaving Andrew to watch him.

It was strange, if that was even a strong enough word, to see Neil in his home when he had only known him for what? A month?

Yet Neil fit, a puzzle piece he had found after a lifetime of struggle.

He shook off the thoughts, and walked into the room himself.

Neil was staring at the picture frames and frowning. Surprisingly Tilda had a few of Aaron that she framed and set out. It was strangely human of her.

“None of these look like you.” Neil said.

Why was this puzzle piece a puzzle all on its own?

“None of them are of me.” He replied.

He could see the questions on Neil's face and he waited for the other boy to ask them, but Neil held his tongue.

“How about we play a game?” Andrew suggested.

Neil looked over suspiciously, “What game?”

“A truth for a truth.”

Andrew watched Neil hesitate, emotions flying across his face. Uncertainty, concern, doubt, _fear_ , then it calmed, whatever his decision was hardening with resolve.

“Okay.” He nodded.

It was mildly surprising that Neil agreed. Maybe he was less of a rabbit than Andrew gave him credit for.

“You can't lie.” Andrew told him.

Neil's face twisted like he'd bitten something sour, but still he nodded.

“Do I have to answer everything?”

And there was the rabbit.

“No.”

Neil nodded and sat on the floor against one of the couches. Andrew took the one opposite of him so that they sat face to face.

“Me or you?” Neil asked.

Andrew motioned for Neil to go first.

He did not however start with why Andrew was in none of those frames.

“How did you break your nose?”

“Baseball the second time, angry foster parent the first.”

Neil didn't react beyond the furrowing of his brows, and just nodded at Andrew so he could take his turn.

“Why aren't you in school?”

He saw Neil tense up subtly, “No one to make me.”

It wasn't a lie. It wasn't the full truth either, yet it was revealing all the same.

“Why did that book matter to you?”

This time Neil could see Andrew tense, they both knew what buttons to push, although part of it was curiosity from Neil. Andrew on the other hand was trying to solve the puzzle in front of him.

He had a feeling that this puzzle was going to take more than he was ready for.

“A cop gave it to me. A reward, a reminder, of my time in juvie, for getting out without causing too many fights. Without dying.”

Neil listened without judgement, for who was he to judge when he was quite fucked up himself, but even for all he listened and watched with shrewd eyes he missed things too.

“Where are you from?” Andrew asked in return.

Neil huffed in amusement. “Nowhere. Everywhere. I don't even know. And I haven't been any place long enough to be from there. Before here was Germany, before that New York.”

“Your favourite place then?” Andrew asked.

Neil actually took time to consider this, leaving silence in the room, the emptiness only filled by the ticking of the clock which had been 3 minutes behind since the day Andrew moved in. He should know, since he's the one who did it.

“Boston.” Neil said. Andrew looked at him flatly waiting for Neil to elaborate.

“I have a friend who lives there with his girlfriend. They make me feel like I belong. It's...nice, I guess? I didn't know what friends felt like that before them.”

Andrew said nothing to that. He did wonder if Neil considered Andrew his friend. Were they friends? Andrew didn't have friends. He didn't think anyone wanted him as a friend. It was such a juvenile word but it meant something too.

Did Andrew even want to be Neil's friend?

Andrew looked at Neil. The auburn haired boy with freckles and icy blue eyes and a rabbit complex.

_No_ , he decided. He didn't want to be Neil's friend.

~~_He wanted to be more._ ~~

“It's your turn.” Andrew told Neil.

Neil shook his head, “Nah, we can play more another day.”

It frustrated Andrew but he listened to Neil's no (although not so eloquently spoke).

Before either could do more, the front door opened revealing Aaron, a carbon copy of Andrew or maybe it was vice-versa. Even Tilda couldn't tell the difference between them.

Yet for some reason Neil could.

Aaron looked surprised to see Neil, which made sense considering he didn't live here and he'd only been hanging out with Andrew for a month. That and Andrew hadn't really been interested in talking to Aaron let alone some stranger.

~~_Neil didn't feel like a stranger._ ~~

“Who's this?” Aaron directed the question at Andrew, Neil knew that because Aaron was busy scalding him with his glare. Oh, and because it was in German. That too.

Andrew didn't answer, instead he pulled out a cigarette and lit up leaving Neil to flounder. He didn't really want to reveal that he was fluent in German so he decided to just sit their. Awkwardly.

They stood (well Aaron did) like that. Andrew smoking, Neil cursing silently, while Aaron fumed.

Eventually Andrew decided to answer once he realized Aaron wouldn't leave until he did.

“Nobody.” He said flatly in German.

When nothing more was (going to be) said, Aaron huffed and stormed off. Presumably to his room.

“That was weird.” Neil said aloud once Aaron was gone.

Andrew raised a brow. “What part specifically?”

Quite a few things but the most important, “Well he saw me.”

One person to see him was rare, but two people to see him.. Well it was the only second time it had happened. The only other being Matt and Dan, and they never noticed when people just didn't acknowledge Neil.

Andrew however didn't understand. “You're in his house. With _me_.” Andrew pointed out.

Neil shook his head. “Never mind. Well I'm just going to go. Bye Andrew.”

Andrew watched with shrewd eyes as Neil walk out of his house, refusing to say bye in return. The only thoughts on his mind was the weird urge to tell Neil to stay and the knowledge that Neil was a runner.

_and he'll slip right through your fingers if you try to catch him._

The thoughts plagued him the rest of the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please do leave a comment, I'd love to here your thoughts! Thanks for reading! If anyone would like the playlist I used while writing this just leave a comment and I'll post it in the next chapter's notes, it's pretty long and always changing, and mostly just fits my tastes but a few of the songs were inspiration for certain scenes!


	3. Chapter 3

Soon skipping class and just going became a semi-regular thing too.

At least once a week Andrew would say ‘let's go’ and Neil would follow. Although it really was less of a follow and more of a ‘sure, I'll tag along.’

The weirdest thing of all though was Andrew’s luck. It didn't change. Nothing bad happened. Nothing happened at all. Neil didn't know why but he hoped it would stay that way. He didn't know what Andrew had been through, but he did know that it was worse than all the others before him.  
  
One day Andrew’s ‘let's go’ had led to Neil following Andrew and watching as he broke into and hotwired a car.

It was probably a test, but Neil watched disinterestedly. He'd seen so much violence that stealing a car was child's play.

Although it did look rather complicated. Murder was so much simpler. Death was easy in its own way. Especially for Neil who had still never mourned. _Yet_.

Andrew got into the car and stared at Neil.

“Getting in?” His voice was mocking, but he didn't need to ask twice before Neil was in the car.

“Are we going?” Neil asked when Andrew didn't peel out of the lot immediately.

Andrew stared at Neil pointedly. The idiot just looked back at him in confusion.

“We're kinda at a crime scene.” Neil pointed out.

“You're not wearing a seatbelt.” Andrew said in return.

He still looked confused, so Andrew (with some maneuvering) reached over Neil, grabbed the seatbelt and strapped him in, all without touching him and simultaneously muttering about the apparent death wish Neil seemed to have.

Neil's heart almost stopped, but he downplayed the reaction (and his confusion over the thing strapping him to the seat) by asking again if they were going to go.

Andrew sped away in response.  
…  
Joy riding also became part of their activities. It was less often considering you can only get away with a crime so many times, but they always returned the car within the day and so far hadn't been caught.

Neil couldn't get caught, he didn't have fingerprints, but he worried about Andrew. Something he did more and more now. He almost dreaded their game of truths, but he gave Andrew what he could. He'd seen more than enough to traumatize a normal person. But Neil wasn't a normal person.

That much was becoming apparent to Andrew. Neil didn't know what seat belts were, or how to use phones. He didn't wear clothes that were ‘in’ and Andrew still had to remind him about wearing seat belts while joyriding. Andrew had seen Neil walk around without shoes with little to no reaction. He showed up with 7 ear piercings one day and the next they were all gone. Most of all, no one noticed him. At all.

That confused Andrew the most. Neil was... _pretty_. Yet both guys and girls ignored him. They appeared to not even see him, and Andrew was beginning to understand what Neil meant about him being invisible.

However these thoughts and endless contradictions were not the ones on his mind today. It was worse things that plagued him, and surprisingly he didn't want to be alone. He didn't want to succumb to the abyss that was his depression. Created and betrayed by his own mind and the demons external and internal that only fuelled the fire.

So he skipped first period and went searching for Neil, who was conveniently already waiting for Andrew on the stands in the gym (Andrew's third period class) with a book he seemed to be really interested in.

“Do you just wait here all day?” Andrew asked.

Neil looked up not at all shocked to see him and shrugged, “Not usually, I sometimes go for runs. Or to swim if no ones there. I had a feeling that I should be here though.”

Andrew chose to (temporarily) ignore all the weird shit coming out of Neil's mouth and instead changed topic slightly.

“So you decided to bring a book? I didn't even know you could read.”

Neil frowned. “I can't read. I know how things are spelt but none of these look like words.”

Neil handed Andrew the book. “None of the letters are in the right place.” He informed Andrew. It was a perfectly normal book though.

“Are you dyslexic?”

Neil looked puzzled, “I dunno what that is.”

Andrew sighed, “How have you survived this long?”

Neil grinned brightly at the question. “I don't think I can die.”

“I can believe that at this point. C’mon we're going, and I'll explain dyslexia on the way.”

…  
“You could just read to me.” Neil argued.

“It'd be easier to teach you instead.”

“But you just said I couldn't!”

“No, I said it would take time.”

Neil huffed and made some pouty face that was ( ~~ _adorable_~~ ) ridiculous.

So far Neil had helped with his _problems_ , but even still Andrew was on edge. Driving aimlessly wasn't helping.

“There's a place.” Andrew started but didn't continue leaving Neil with just those words.

Neil angled his head towards Andrew, trying to think off things to prod him in to explaining.

“Do you want to go to this place?” Asked Neil.

Andrew nodded stiffly.

“Then let's go.” Neil said with an easy smile.

Andrew pulled a 180 and Neil finally learned why seat belts were important.  
…   
Andrew had been driving for over an hour, and Neil could tell Andrew was fucking with him.

“We've been down this road 3 times now Andrew.” Neil couldn't help but point out.

“I know.” He said.

Neil frowned a bit wondering just what was going on right now. “Trying to confuse me?” He hoped he sounded unworried and playful, not wanting to concern Andrew if nothing was wrong.

“You haven't asked where we're going.” Andrew finally said.

_Oh_. It was more serious than Neil thought. _This means something to him._

“Did you want me to?” He asked unsure.

When Andrew didn't answer, Neil knew it was the wrong thing to say.

So Neil turned to face him, away from the windows and endless forest. Away from the road signs and anything that could help him find his way back if need be. When Andrew didn't look over or say anything more, Neil sighed. Was Andrew really this thick? Did he need it spelt out? Did he _need_ to hear it? Was that all it was? How would Neil know if Andrew never told him? For all of Neil's many talents, mind reading wasn't one of them.

“I don't need to know Andrew, I trust you.” He finally decided upon saying.

Andrew scowled at him. “What if I was taking you all the way out here to kill you?”

Neil actually considered the question even though most would take it for humour. Or a threat.

“It'd be for good reason.” He concluded.

“You're an idiot.” Came the aggravated reply that Neil had already gotten used to hearing.

He nodded, agreeing just to see Andrew scowl. (It was cute, you can't blame him.)

“You've mentioned that a few times before.”

Andrew scowled more, like a small scowly stabby teddy bear. It was times like this Neil really wondered what was wrong with him. Then again at this point he didn't really care. It was much too late in any case, and with Andrew here beside him, even if something was wrong with Neil he knew Andrew wouldn't care.

Even with all of Andrews continued scowls, it wasn't long before he finally turned off the road and on to a new one, finally heading in the right direction.

…

“Where are we?” Neil asked once they'd stopped the car.

“Now you care?” Andrew asked incredulously.

“Now I'm curious.” Neil corrected him with a smile.

Andrew pulled out a knife and held it for a good few seconds, before sheathing it and stalking away from him.

It was a miracle Neil hadn't been stabbed yet.

Instead of commenting on just that (lest Andrew decide to actually try) Neil followed him through the trees, on what was once probably a well worn path that was now slowly being taken over by undergrowth. It went on for a few minutes before it started to head down, slowly getting steeper before once again levelling out after a few minutes.

Andrew stopped just before the tree line and turned to Neil. He looked at him and Neil looked right back. It felt oddly intimate, like searching, but Neil didn't know what for or why. Whatever it was, Andrew found it, nodding slightly before turning and giving Neil plenty of room to pass and head out first.

So Neil did, for some reason he trusted Andrew at his back like he trusted Andrew to guide him through the woods and roads.

What Neil saw took his breath away.

Metal structures of all kinds were overrun with wildlife, vines claiming everything underneath, so dense it was hard to understand what you were looking at.

“What is this?” He voice was barely above a whisper, as he stood in silent awe. Yes he was a demonic being, but never had he ever seen something like this.

“An abandoned fairground.”

Neil looked around in shock. “But why?”

Andrew shrugged “Nothing lasts forever.” He said dispassionately before walking farther into the fairgrounds, once again leaving Neil to follow.

“Does it matter why?” Andrew asked when Neil caught up, genuinely curious.

Neil considered the question. He supposed that it was sad to see a fair in this state. Abandoned with bright cheery colors faded, something that used to make children laugh with joy in such disrepair. Yet to Neil, this was something all on its own. It felt right to see it this way, to know that even if it wasn't used for its intended purpose that it still had use.

“No.” He finally spoke. “If this is the product? Then no.”

The fairgrounds weren't very large but Neil took the time to study every structure. Although he knew of fairs he didn't know much about them so he took his time savouring every detail for when he no longer would be able to.

The one with metal horses, he learned, was a carousel. The one with teacups spun according to Andrew. One building was filled with mirrors covered in grime and gave everything an eerie look. Another held a variety of games, a few which they, mainly Neil, tried while Andrew stood by and watched. One area was sectioned off by boards like an arena, it had a roof (covered in foliage, moss, and vines) and under it were small cars. Andrew told Neil kids would drive them and then try to hit others’ cars. Neil didn't quite get the appeal but thought it was cute enough.

His favourite structure though, was the tallest one. A gigantic metal wheel suspended in the air with small benches for people to sit on as it spun around and around. “I love this.” Neil said aloud.

It was the best experience he'd had in his existence so far.

Andrew didn't say anything in response to Neil's comment, just watched Neil closely before finally asking a question of his own.

“Have you never been to a fair before?”

Neil shook his head. For some reason fairs weren't a place that people pretended to be fine at.

“How'd you find this place?” Neil asked to change the topic.

Andrew shrugged disinterestedly, “Bad day.”

Neil understood and asked nothing more.

“Thank you.” He said instead.

Andrew didn't reply, but when Neil turned away from him to continue his exploration, Andrew allowed himself a small smile.

  
…

Neil spent almost everyday with Andrew, and although it wasn't always pleasant, Neil felt like he was finally living.

It was ironic really to find out that he was actually dying.

It wasn't exactly dying, more like fading. And one day Neil would just cease to exist. It's what happened to other demons and beings along the line of demonic entities. It devastated Neil, he had finally learned what a monster he really was.

And it all made sense now.

He multiplied people's bad luck until it killed them or someone else saved them and it must have kept him alive. Fuel he didn't even know he was making. That he didn't even know he needed.

Not until he came upon Andrew and his presence didn't turn his luck from bad to worse. Unbeknownst to Neil, Andrew had long since had the worst luck imaginable.

Unbeknownst to Neil, he was healing Andrew.

And it was killing him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Kudos and comments are always appreciated because I'd love to hear what you think on the story! You can find me on tumblr @i-care-bout-things-too and I'm always willing to talk so message me!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst! Woooooooo!  
> I'm sorry! But not really!

Andrew doesn't show up to school for the next day and the realization of Neil's impending death couldn't be ignored or shoved away. It made him feel like his skin was crawling and he almost wished he could scratch his arms until he bled the way his victims had.

Neil felt like throwing up.

Every time the panic bubbled up Neil would immediately calm himself and reach for Andrew, only to remember he wasn't with Neil and the panic would return in force.

But Andrew never was gone for more than a day in a row, and that calmed Neil like nothing else did. He'd see Andrew the next day and Andrew would help.

But Andrew didn't show up the next day.

Or the one after that.

So Neil sat on the bleachers day after day after day waiting for Andrew to show. But he didn't, and Neil knew humans got sick and bad things happened and everything was probably fine but in his mindset all Neil could feel was fear.

Fear of himself and his situation yes, but mostly fear for Andrew.

_It was a mistake getting so attached. I'm going to die because I can't leave him._

Neil ends up wandering the hallways like a ghost, no one saw him and for the first time Neil wondered why. ~~_Why was he so alone?_~~

Humans actively avoided being anywhere near his vicinity and Neil could feel himself start to go insane.

He took to hovering around Andrew's locker instead after accidentally starting a few fights (his own misery causing those around him to become aggressive and miserable themselves.)

Luckily Andrew's locker was on the edge and the one beside his didn't seem to have an owner. Not one that Neil ever saw.

That's what he thought until he saw Aaron heading in his (the lockers) direction.

“Hey.” Neil said.

Aaron ignored him and opened his locker.

“I was just wondering if-”

Aaron cut Neil off. “I'm not-”

“Andrew. Yeah I know.”

Aaron looked mildly surprised, but like Andrew the emotion didn't show for long.

“What do you mean you want then?” He sounded annoyed and the unnecessary hostility pissed Neil off.

“I just want to know where he is.”

Aaron sneered at him. “If you don't know already then I'm not going to tell you.”

“Tell me what?” Neil asked feeling his fear for Andrew rise.

“I'll tell him his boy toy asked for him. Happy?”

“What's a boy toy?” He asked bewildered.

Aaron shook his head and slammed his locker shut.

“Good luck.” Were his parting words, leaving Neil with no more answers and even more questions.

~~_He just wanted Andrew_~~.

…  
Andrew doesn't show up until mid next week and he acts like he was never gone in the first place. Neil usually content to let this go just couldn't, he had needed Andrew and he wasn't there.

So he waited until the next day, knowing his flighty nature was bothering Andrew but unable to contain it.

“Let's play.” Neil said before Andrew could even sit down beside him on the bleachers.

Andrew nodded slowly, eyes taking in Neil to try and figure out why, although if he'd reflect on his own actions he'd know why.

“It's your turn.” Andrew told him.

Neil remained blank faced, his demeanour colder than Andrew had seen it so far.

“Where were you?” He asked and no more needed to be said because Andrew understood.

Andrew looks away from Neil and stares at nothing in particular, avoiding Neil's knowing gaze.

“At the house.”

Neil moved to stand up, but Andrew grabbed the edge of Neil's coat and tugged him back down.

“It was a bad day, that turned into a bad week.”

Neil is still facing away, refusing to look at Andrew because he knows he'd cave instantly.

“I could have helped.” He said.

“You couldn't.” And that probably hurt the most, even if he was right, which Neil didn't think he was, it hurt.

“Whatever.” The hurt in his voice was prominent and Neil hated himself for being so weak.

~~_He wanted to leave._ ~~

“It's my turn.” Andrew said.

Neil wrapped his arms around himself, trying to hold in all his emotions, things he didn't even know he could feel.

“Take it.”

He could feel Andrew's frustration at him but he wasn't used to caring about anything, and to have it be all shoved back at him was painful. Even more so when he had never before felt pain. He decided he didn't like it at all.

“Why do you care Neil?”

Neil wanted to cry.

“Why do you think Andrew?! It's because I needed you. It's because I wanted to see you! It's because I care about you! It's because I like being around you and I want to be around you for as long as I can!”

“What do you mean?”

Neil says nothing.

“What do you mean as long as you can?”

_I'm dying because I can't leave you._

“It's not your turn.”

Andrew growls but Neil refuses to give an inch.

“Take a turn then.” He says deceptively calm.

Neil feels like saying no just to anger him more, but he can't.

“What causes your bad days?”

Andrew's breath catches. There's so many ways to avoid this question, to give answers that aren't answers at all, but Andrew didn't want to fight, he wanted the truth and so did Neil.

So Andrew told him. Everything.

And it took a long time, enough for Neil to forget to be mad, and for Andrew to forget to ask what he wanted to know.

At the end Neil doesn't apologize for Andrew's past, he doesn't say any of the bullshit a normal adult would.

“I'll kill him.” Neil says.

“You can't.” Andrew said, “I already have.”

“Was it painful?”

Andrew shook his head. “Not enough.”

“Can I kill the other one?”

“He's in prison.”

Neil shrugged, “It could be arranged.”

Andrew grinned, it was cruel and made Neil almost happy to see.

“Then go right ahead.”

Neil nodded already planning on how to kill the man that hurt Andrew at the age of _seven_. It wouldn't be hard, and it sure was going to be painful. It made him smile making him even scarier than Andrew.

And somehow in this one conversation, they had managed to be alright again. Neither boy's demons had left them, but it didn't matter now that they weren't fighting and could go back to their normal.

“I don't like your brother.” Neil said out of the blue.

Andrew was already regretting his decision to ask.

“What happened?”

“He's a dick.”

“And?”

“He called me your boy toy,” Andrew choked on air but Neil didn't notice “What does that even mean?!” He also thanked whoever existed that Neil was too angry to actually want a response to that question.

“He doesn't even know my name so why does he dislike me so much? Like you literally called me nobody so I don't understand it!”

“Neil.” Said Andrew with false calm.

“Yeah?”

“You speak German.”

Neil winced at his mistake. “Yeah?”

Once again Neil was shoved off a bleacher bench, and he couldn't even pretend to be fake mad. Neil just laughed and when Andrew stomped off in anger, a gruff lets go the only thing that could have made him get up and follow.

…

“Stop thinking so much, you'll damage your brain.” Andrew poked Neil gently in the ribs, trying to get the other boy’s attention because he had spaced yet again.

They were sitting on a rooftop of someplace somewhere, Neil hadn't been able to pay attention to where they were going but he trusted Andrew. So here they were, legs dangling over the edge and alone in ways that weren't bad, but weren't exactly good either.

Andrew was now smoking while Neil stared vacantly into the night. He had been able to quell the thoughts of his impending death for a while, Andrew's presence a soothing balm to his anxiety, but now he was slowly unraveling and Neil couldn't stop the fall.

“What are you thinking about?” Andrew asked to no avail.

“Why do you think so much?” He asked, almost snorting at the irony of the question.

Neil missed the joke, “It's because i'm alone.”

Andrew turned his head sharply in Neil's direction. “What do you mean?” He asked almost cautiously.

Neil shrugged, “I’m always alone.”

“Then why not now.” Andrew ~~_asked_~~ challenged.

Neil gave him an odd look that stopped Andrew in his tracks. Neil's eyes looked _dull_ , everything bright about Neil seemed toned down.

~~_Lifeless_~~.

“Because you saw me.” Neil eventually replied, moments or minutes later.

“It was kind of hard not to see you.” Andrew told him.

“You weren't supposed to though.”

Andrew didn't understand. Couldn't because Neil wouldn't tell him. “You've said things like that before. Why?”

Neil doesn't answer, just stares ahead blankly.

“Neil.”

“I'm not human.” He says,

Andrew doesn't reply. He doesn't know how.

“I'm a monster.” ~~_He sounds like he's falling apart._~~

Andrew's breath catches. How could Neil believe that?

“You're not a monster Neil. I've met real monsters, you aren't one.”

Neil pauses, he turns his eyes searching for Andrew. “I've killed people.” His voice is small.

_His eyes are empty._

It's not a shock, Andrew has killed someone too, but he feels like there is more Neil isn't saying.

“Then I'm a monster like you.” Andrew tells him

Neil shakes his head the movement jerky and frantic.

“You aren't a monster.” he denies what Andrew says in an instant, and when Andrew opens his mouth to speak, Neil cuts him off.

“ _Innocents_.”

He sounds haunted, so terrified of his truth that Andrew almost doesn't catch it distracted by his concern, Neil's whisper not much louder than a gasp. But he does, and for a moment Andrew is stunned. It's not for long, but Neil has already shied away from Andrew, closing off in the time it took for him to register and dismiss the word.

“Neil.” His voice is stern but not harsh, he couldn't be harsh towards Neil, Andrew wasn't capable of it.

Neil looks at him and Andrew tells him firmly “You are not a monster.” leaving no room for argument, yet of course the junkie would try.

“I-”

Andrew presses his lips against Neil's to stop him from saying more. Neil isn't a monster and Andrew could never let him believe that, so Andrew kissed him.

It wasn't the smartest thing to do, and he'd hate himself later, for not asking, for not kissing Neil when he was in his right mind.

But just for this moment he was a boy with a crush, kissing the boy he liked to show him that he couldn't possibly be a monster cause _Andrew could Never love a monster the way he loved Neil._

And it's for that reason that Andrew pulled away.

“Tell me no.”

Neil was staring at him wide eyed, the innocence in them so different from his confession, so different from how Neil would usually act.

When Neil doesn't speak Andrew pushes him back gently. “We can't do this right now.”

Neil catches the cuff of Andrew's sleeve as he moves to pull his arm away, he holds it over his lap and twists the edges, carefully not touching.

“Why not?” he asks.

“You're having a panic attack right now.”

Neil frowns, “And if i said yes?”

Andrew feels hope bloom in his chest but shoves it down. “You aren't in your right mind, you can't consent.”

“Why?” he looked so confused.

“I won't be like them, i won't let you let me be.”

Neil although not agreeing (about Andrew ever being like _them_ ), nodded along with his words. “And if i say yes when i can?”

“Then it's a yes Neil.”

When Neil looks at him again Andrew can see _Neil_. Not fine in any means, but better than he was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, comments and kudos are always appreciated and if you want to hit me up on Tumblr you can find me @i-care-bout-things-too ! I may start taking prompts so if you have any feel free to send an ask, leave a comment or message me! I'm also taking book recommendations so please recommend some!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another chapter up! This will have to tide you guys over until after exams are done for me because I don't think I'll be posting again before then. Enjoy!

They continued on in their usual way. Both of them not acknowledging what happened, but not forgetting either.

Not that Neil could ever, or would ever for that matter.

But he put it aside and just spent time with Andrew. At his house or in stolen cars, at the school or in the middle of nowhere.

He wondered if it was possible to fall for someone so much that you’d die for them.

He suspected he already knew the answer but he ignored that too. He ignored the fading and the momentary panic when his hand would go through an object. He ignored the tiredness and Andrew’s questioning stare.

He ignored it, not because he was juvenil enough to believe it would go away, but because he knew it wouldn't and he didn't want to waste any time on it.

“It's going to be Halloween soon.” Andrew said aloud.

Neil looked over at him from where he was laying on the living room’s couch, “And?”

“And i want candy.”

“Are you suggesting we trick or treat?”

Andrew wrinkled his nose in disgust. “Too much walking.”

Neil shook his head, “If you were a sin, you'd be sloth.” Andrew chucked a pencil at him and Neil caught it easily.

Surprisingly Andrew was doing homework, underlining the parts of the book he liked, not that he needed to do that, with his Eidetic memory he’d remember everything. Neil knew that wasn't why though.

“Unfortunately i can't go as a sin for Halloween.” Andrew said.

“I can.” Neil shrugged casually but internally he was already laughing and Andrew's stricken face.

Andrew made a disgruntled noise and mentally scolded himself for his very impure thoughts.

“So what did you want to do then?” Neil said directing them back on topic.

“Clubbing?” Andrew suggested.

“I don't know.” Neil said slowly, he didn't like clubs, but with Andrew how bad could it be?

“There's one called Edens not far from here.”

“Compromise?” Neil asked.

Andrew raised a brow and motioned for him to continue.

“We stay at the bar for a few hours,” Neil scowled in distaste at the thought, “And come back to watch scary movies the rest of the night.”

Andrew tilted his head considering. “Fair.”

“You're dressing up though.” He added after going back to his book, Neil sighed but agreed and tossed Andrew's pencil back at him when he saw Andrew start looking around in confusion.

They continued like that for a while before Neil left as to not disturb the other residents of the house who would soon be arriving.

(Neil was actually avoiding Aaron but if he told Andrew that, he would want to know why and Neil didn't think ‘I'm avoiding your brother so I won't punch him in the face’ would go over very well.)

The next few days quickly passed and soon it was Halloween. Neil was standing at Andrew's front door without a costume because _he'd forgotten, oh shit what would Andrew do?_

So Neil was panicking on the porch too afraid to knock, mulling over what would happen if he just didn't, and about what would happen if he did.

Neil’s own indecision was starting to annoy even him. He was a freaking demon for fucks sake! He shouldn't be panicking over a human who could easily pass for a child!

Wait.

_Neil was a demon._

Neil could just go as himself! Hopefully no one would notice he looked a little _too real_ , but at least Andrew wouldn't be mad at him.

Consciously removing his human guise was a weird feeling, but it felt like relief. It took more energy than he had realized to keep it up and with it gone Neil actually felt like he'd survive the portion of his night spent at a club.

Finally he knocked on the door. And then knocked on it again when no one came to answer.

Muffled yelling could be heard coming through the door, and then stomping and then the door opened to reveal Aaron.

“Hi.” Neil said, “accidentally” revealing his fangs.

Aaron took one look at Neil and seemed about ready to slam the door shut, so Neil stepped closer and watched Aaron step back.

“What the fuck?” he exclaimed.

“Um, thanks?” Neil asked, attempting civility.

“I'm leaving.” Aaron said, actually shuddering while he walked away from Neil. He went all the way up the stairs, presumably to his room, and as far away from Neil as he could get.

Neil scowled but refrained from opening his mouth to stop from saying something he'd regret. He noticed that no decorations were put up unlike some of the other houses on the street, and he also noticed the lack of Andrew.

The absence of Andrew waiting for him meant Neil would probably (definitely) be waiting a while (there was no in between with Andrew, you either found him waiting for you or you waited until he was good and ready.) so he took to leaning against the wall, and fiddled with the mysterious metal bands that adorned his various appendages.

Three metal bands ringed around each horn in various places, one sat on his collarbone, and one held tight to his neck. Two wrapped around his upper left arm, and four on his right wrist. Two rings each were on middle finger, and one on each pinky. He even had quite a few in his ears, which were once again pointed.

Neil could imagine how he appeared to a normal mortal, and normal would not be one of the words used to describe him.

Neil took in the rest of his appearance once he ran out of metal bands to count.(27 as well as a small chain around his ankle.)

His outfit was just as strange. He wore a skintight sandy beige coloured top that showed off his freckled shoulders but covered his arms all the way to the wrist, while the top part even covered his neck. The pants were burgundy leather and also skintight.

_What the fuck?_ He thought.

“What the fuck Neil?” He heard Andrew say aloud.

Neil looked up response ready but the words died before they could pass his lips.

Andrew was almost not Andrew at all, but it fit him all the same.

“Shouldn't I be asking you that?” He tried to snark but his tongue tripped over the words and his lips couldn't help but form an “oh” when Andrew scowled at him.

Neil had never felt this way before, all soft and fluttery. What was wrong with him? It was _just Andrew_ , but at the same time it was _Andrew_ and how could he _not_ feel like this?

Andrew was dressed in a pastel pink oversized knit sweater, wearing faded light blue jeans and white tennis shoes. The tips of his hair were light pink and Neil could swear Andrew looked sparkly.

“You look like cotton candy.” Neil said in wonder.

Andrew ~~_pouted_~~ glared, “You look like sin.”

Neil looked down at himself, “Just being me.” he said, then he frowned, “is it bad?”

Andrew ~~_pouted_~~ glared more. “No, it's fine.”

~~_More than fine._ ~~

Neil brightened at Andrew's approval and Andrew marvelled at just how innocent Neil was, and how odd his costume was.

“Are you ready?” He asked Neil.

Neil nodded and moved towards the door, “So what are you supposed to be?” He said conversationally.

“Not cotton candy.”

Neil snickered, “That's not an answer Drew.”

“I still have my knives on me.”

Neil pouted and Andrew shoved him (gently) out the door.

“A ‘modern pixie,” he eventually said grudgingly. “What the fuck does that even mean?”

Neil stopped in his tracks and stared at him all bubbly and excited.

“Are you wearing wings?”

Andrew glared. “Yes.”

“Turn around?”

“No.”

“Please.” Neil asked with wide eyes.

“I don't like that word.”

_It wasn't a no._

“I won't say it then.” He promised.

Andrew cursed himself for being so weak, “Fine.”

Neil practically cheered when Andrew turned around to show him the pink sparkly wings that had been hidden by his broad shoulders.

“It's perfect.” Neil told him. “You're perfect.”

And that made Andrew _feel things_ that he wasn't sure he wanted to feel, but at least he didn't mind losing that bet with his brother _as much_ now. Next time though, the price for losing was not going to be anything like allowing Aaron to pick his costume.  
…

They had been at the club for less than 5 minutes and Neil already wanted to leave.

It was too crowded and reeked of despair, sex, depression, anger, lust, _sin_. It made Neil decide he was going to say ‘Demon’ if anyone asked about his costume. No way did he want to be compared to sin and plus, it was partly true anyway.

“C’mon,” Andrew lightly tugged on Neil's wrist. It made Neil smile knowing that Andrew trusted him enough to allow these small touches.

Neil let himself be guided by Andrew, through the raging mass of people dressed as an assortment of things. He saw a group of pizza slices and a variety of other food. Zombies, vampires, and werewolves were everywhere, poorly done in his opinion. He even spotted the occasional demon, but the over romanticized red devil seemed to be the most popular.

Among the younger girls were plenty of mermaids which made no sense to Neil because none of them looked able to dance unless they were scantily clad.

“Like what you see?” Andrew scowled when Neil had stared at one barely dressed ‘mermaid’ for too long.

“Like what?” Neil asked, oblivious as usual.

Andrew motioned to the ‘mermaid’.

Neil looked disgruntled, “Why would I?”

“She's a girl.”

“Way to state the obvious.”

Andrew gave him a face that although appeared blank seemed to say “how can you be so dull?” In a very judgmental tone.

Neil sighed, “No, she looks like she's going to get hypothermia and that seems like a really stupid way to die. Like she's supposed to be wearing a costume not a bathing suit! I don't get it!”

Andrew shook his head in disgust, why did he have to fall for such an idiot? He could admit that sometimes it was endearing, but 90% of the time he felt like killing Neil, although Neil could probably do it faster himself.

“Never mind.” He muttered.

Neil shrugged the conversation already dismissed.

“Where are we going?” He asked trying (and failing) to peer over the crowd,(many of whom were much taller than him), in hopes of seeing where Andrew was leading him.

“The bar.”

Neil grimaced, “I don't drink.”

Andrew's grip tightened slightly and Neil could hear him heave a sigh even with the blaring music.

“Then don't drink.”

Neil nodded smiling slightly. “Ok, just checking.”

Andrew glanced back at him, “Checking what?”

“That you were okay with me not drinking.”

“Why wouldn't I be?” Andrew asked turning his shrewd gaze onto Neil.

Neil shrugged uncomfortably, “Some people aren't.”

“I'm not those people Neil, I wouldn't make you drink.” Andrew had a firm grip on Neil's wrist and Neil couldn't look away from his eyes.

“I know,” he smiled slightly, still unable to remove his eyes from Andrew, taking in every bit of sparkle, memorizing every detail. “I know that Drew.” He said more confidently, trying to convince both himself and Andrew that everything was okay, but an odd feeling couldn't be helped.

Andrew had never hurt him, would never, at least not on purpose, yet Neil in this club was giving him an odd case of deja-vu. It was unsettling and he tried to push the thoughts away, whatever Andrew saw on Neil's face convinced him to keep going, yet the unsettling feeling remained even with the thoughts shoved deep down and far away as can be.

They made it to the bar eventually. The process itself took much longer than Neil thought it would and involved considerable amounts of shoving on Andrew's part and a lot of dodging on Neil's.

Andrew wasn't speaking and Neil had nothing to say so he put his back to the bar and continued to people watch, something he hadn't done in quite a while. He saw only a few noteworthy costumes while the rest passed in a blur.

“What do you want to drink?” Andrew asked him.

Neil tilted his head towards Andrew, “Water?”

“Tap okay?” Said some stranger from behind the bar.

He startled Neil enough that he jumped all the way back around to get a complete look of the stranger. It seemed that his fading had progressed far enough that ordinary people were beginning to see him too. That was what this man was, ordinary through and through. Large and muscled, tall with dark hair and eyes, not at all threatening but that unsettled feeling had turned into full blown panic. The alarm must have been visible on his face because Andrew gripped two of Neil's fingers, instinctively offering comfort which would make Neil feel all happy later but right now it did nothing to help.

“Neil, this is my...friend Roland, Roland this is my… Neil.”

Roland smiled happily, the act completely at odds with the feeling Neil was getting.

Neil turned wide wild eyes to Andrew, “I need air.” He rushed off before Andrew could even say anything more but he could still hear Roland's confused voice, “Is he alright?”

No, no Neil was not alright and that's why he was rushing for the nearest exit gasping for air instead of doing whatever it is you do at clubs.

What was happening to him? His head was pounding and his vision swimming, sound had been dulled to faint background noise and only ringing could be heard in his ears. It was such a relief to collapse against the cold brick wall of some alleyway outside the horrid club.

Visions? memories? Images flashed before his eyes, in his mind, things that had happened to Neil but not to himself. Getting hit with a racquet held by Andrew, meeting an older Kevin with a number two tattooed on his face, meeting one so much younger, then seeing him with a queen tattoo where the two had once been, seeing Renee and Jean and Jeremy and Allison and even Seth. He saw Matt and Dan and Wymack and people he didn't even know. He saw Roland and the incident that caused the unsettled feeling, he saw how Andrew changed. He saw so much and yet so little.

What he did see was Andrew, so much of Andrew. Felt so much when he saw him, his own feelings and some other him too, it was overwhelming and left him gasping on the ground shivering.

It was then that it dawned on him. The knowledge that he would fully fade soon. He shouldn't have these memories or feelings, he was falling apart and away from the ( _this?_ ) world, he didn't know what would become of him, he didn't even know how he had become in the first place.

Tears began to fall from his eyes, when one again the knowledge that he would soon lose Andrew became forefront in his mind. Tears at how much his existence seemed to hate him.

They fell slowly at first, then more, until a steady stream was flowing down his face. He tried to wipe them away with his sleeves but for some reason that made him sob harder.

It was just then that some drunk guys chose to stumble outside. Neil not wanting to attract attention tried to muffle the sounds of his despair but it was to no avail.

“Do you hear that?” One of the large drunkards asked.

“Sounds like a lass is crying.” His shorter but more muscled friend replied.

The third made a show of looking, but it was the first who spotted Neil.

“Not a lass, but hair as red as one, pretty too.”

“What's wrong there little lass?” They were not kind words, the men were leering and Neil knew already what was going to happen. In his weakened state he wouldn't be able to fight them off and then… Neil whimpered at the thought.

“Your boyfriend dump you?” Asked the third, it made them snicker.

Neil stay there trying to decide what to do. He couldn't call Andrew for help, not without a phone and screaming wouldn't do much if anything. He could, no, _would_ fight, even knowing he wouldn't win, he wasn't just going to _let_ them. Neil may have been weakened but he was still a demonic entity of some sort.

“If you'll excuse me.” Neil said politely while drying his eyes and standing, “I'll just be on my way.” The foreign lilt in his voice gave the men pause as they tried to place the accent (British while theirs was Scottish), he had hoped it would be enough to squeeze by and escape but the second man had caught his shirt and pushed him back against the wall.

“Now where would you be going all alone?”

“I'm not alone.” Neil tried to keep his voice steady but couldn't help the slight waver.

“I don't see anyone little lass, you see anyone Jared?”

Number one, _Jared_ , played along and shook his head, “Nope, nothing Ian. You Liam?”

Liam bared his teeth in what Neil supposed was supposed to be a smile.

“He seems to be all alone, can't have that can we?”

“I have a friend inside.” Neil stammered, his last resort to escape unscathed.

Ian, the brute holding him to the wall, stepped even closer making Neil's skin crawl as he tried in vain to press himself into the brick and away from him.

“They can't help you now.” He promised.

But Neil could still try to save himself.

“Well that's not in my favour is it?” Neil said almost jovially right before he used his head to slam it as hard as he could into the other guy’s nose.

It made a nice wet cracking sound and Neil knew he'd broken it. “ _Fuck_.” He swore silently, this wasn't going to end well.

“You bitch!’ He shrieked.

Ian tried to swing at him but Neil dodged easily pushing away from him and the wall. If he could get around the other two he could run and hopefully find Andrew.

“Get him.” Ian snarled and the other two advanced.

Jared went to hit first but Neil managed to move out of the way. The third brute, Liam, made to grab him but wasn't prepared for Neil's speed or agility. He kicked Liam in the back of the leg sending him down and avoided the swing from Ian who had re-joined the fight. That sent him next to Jared who also tried to punch him but Neil avoided that too. He could not however avoid the hands the dragged him to the ground while he'd been busy. Liam pressed Neil's face into the cement and Neil could feel a piece of shattered glass dig into his cheek slicing it open like butter.

Neil swore and struggled but he was pinned. The guy was too heavy to dislodge and even if Neil could get free of him, the other two were waiting.

Ian wiped the blood from his nose which probably hurt like hell right then, Neil grinned at the sight. He got kicked for that. Hard. Right in the stomach. And then he got kicked again. Again, and again, and again, until Neil was struggling to see and choking on his own blood.

“You're a fucking bitch. Y’know that? A filthy whore. Not even good for breeding. You're going to pay for what you did, and then my friends and I will have a little fun with you.” Neil laughed. He didn't know why but something about the situation was humorous to him. The oddly correct grammar from a brute who was beating the shit out of him shouldn't have been funny but it was.

He was kicked twice more for it.

“Is that funny to ya? You fucking slut, by the time we're done with you,’ he grinned maliciously and licked his lips, “Well there won't be much left, and then I'm going to leave you here and you're going to have to hope you don't die.”

Neil smiled through the pain and fear and bared his blood stained fangs. “Fucking try me you coward. If this hadn't been three on one I would have won, without them you're nothing and sticking your prick into helpless people doesn't make you something. There's a special place in hell for bastards like you, and I pray I'll live long enough to see you burn. To send you there myself.”

The man growled and stalked over to where Neil lay on the floor to grab him by the neck. Neil could feel his fingers dig in, knew there would be a necklace of bruises when this was all over, knew it wouldn't be over for quite a while. He was lifted off the floor like he weighed nothing. Like he was nothing. Neil didn't have the chance to fight back before he was shoved against the wall and the other two had grabbed his remaining limbs. Even if they hadn't, Neil couldn't do very much in his currently wrecked state.

Neil spit blood at him, a last act of defiance that only got him more pain. He was hit so hard that his skull hit the wall and Neil couldn't tell what hurt more. He just knew that the black veil creeping into his vision was a very bad sign.

_Stay conscious, stay conscious, stay conscious._

He willed himself to not give in to the temptingness of oblivion, he knew that would be worse but he didnt know why.

He really wanted to give in.

Then the door to the alley swung open. “Everything alright back here?”

Jared covered Neil’s mouth with his palm, a big meaty muzzle that Neil couldn't get around.

“Everything's fine.” Ian said tersely. He was so much larger than Neil that he knew whoever was there couldn't see him like Neil couldn't see them, but Neil was not just going to let freedom escape that easily.

So he sank his fangs as deep into Jared's hand as he could.

“Fucking bitch!” he swore at Neil dropping him immediately before realizing his mistake.

Jared had revealed Neil broken and bloody to whoever was there.

“Neil?”

Neil could have cried from relief at hearing Andrew’s voice. Andrew had found him and now all would be fine because Andrew would always make things better.

“What. Did. You. Do. To. Him.” the words were snarled, fueled by pure rage as Andrew saw what had happened.

Even in his pink pixie costume Andrew frightened the more sober of the men. If Neil could he probably would have grinned, smirked, anything to give Andrew a sign that he was still here.

But he couldn't.

Liam who had still been holding Neil up, let go and watched him fall to the floor, his legs unable to hold him.

“This bitch?” He snickered, “nothing he didn't deserve. You didn't bother to train him well did ya?” Andrew's eyes promised murder but he held himself oh so still, already planning who to punish first.

“Shut up.” Jared hissed at Liam before turning to Andrew.

“He yours?”

Andrew twitched slightly but with the heavy dark the three men missed it.

“Yes.” The word was ground out, almost painful, but it made Neil's stupid heart swell in joy.

“Okay,” Jared nodded to Ian, “You can have him back, he's caused us enough trouble. Just don't say anything, and we'll let you go unharmed.”

Andrew almost snorted. “Let me leave?”

Ian snarled. “Are ya def you fucking midget?”

Andrew held out his hands placatingly, “You misunderstood me, what I meant was that none of you are leaving without paying for what you've done to him.”

Which was when Andrew launched himself at them, knives blazing with a snarled “Grab Neil.” directed at at the figure who Neil now realized was Roland.

He couldn't see what was happening, only heard the sounds, then Roland was beside him and taking Neil into his arms and off the floor. He was carried back inside and away from Andrew who was out there alone.

“ _Drew_.” He gasped.

Roland shushed him, “He can handle a fight Neil, just focus on breathing.”

Neil tried to struggle. He wanted to go help Andrew, but he could barely move let alone help.

He really hated being so weak.

Eventually he became too tired to even struggle and accepted defeat, let Roland carry him away. He closed his eyes to the sound of muffled fighting and let the darkness drag him down into oblivion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! You can find me on tumblr @i-care-bout-things-too and feel free to comment, ask, or leave a kudos!  
> I'm taking prompts if anyone is interested, it might take me a bit to write them but I'm always up for it, I'll try most anything so yeah! We're kinda nearing the end? So if you like my writing (and that's a big if lol) that's a way to get to read more!


	6. chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all don't read the comments I write back and it shows. I honestly wonder how much I've alluded to and I just haven't notice cause I wrote it. also, surprise? early update, I still haven't finished exams but I wanted this chapter to be separate from the next one anyway so I'm doing this instead of studying! hope ya guys enjoy the (short) update

****

The next time Neil regained full consciousness he opened his eyes to see Andrew back in his usual black apparel. There was a bruise blooming on his jaw and Neil frowned trying to recall the events that led him to being… Asleep on Andrew's couch?

 

“What happened?” Neil asked.

 

Andrew's brow furrowed but otherwise he remained blank faced as per usual.

 

“You don't remember.” It wasn't a question.

 

Neil hesitated, stopped looking at Andrew which was fogging his already clouded brain, and tried to remember. It made his head pound, although that wasn't much of a surprise, especially when it all came back at once.

 

“Halloween.” It wasn't a question either.

 

Andrew nodded.

 

Neil breathed in and out. He didn't need the breaths but it helped him locate his pain. Helped calm him down too.

 

The pain was there, which wasn't a good sign. Neil had never been able to get hurt before.

 

~~_ Before Andrew _ _. _ ~~

 

“Are you okay?” Neil asked.

 

Andrew's lip curled in disgust, he couldn't believe the idiot was asking if  _ Andrew _ was okay when Neil was the one who had been beaten by those thugs,  _ almost worse than that _ , his brain reminded helpfully. Andrew felt like throwing up at the thought.

 

“It doesn't matter.”

 

Neil's eyes softened and that was just shattering. “It does to me.”

 

_ Fuck. Fuck his pretty blue eyes, and his stupid fucking feelings. Fuck him. _

 

Andrew growled, “I'm fine.”

 

Neil stared at him and Andrew didn't want to know what Neil saw.

 

“Why are you lying to me, Andrew?”

 

Andrew shot up in anger feeling like he needed to punch something. Too bad he couldn't go back and take it out on those brutes. He didn't savour it nearly enough the first time.

 

“Because  _ Neil _ . I'm not fine,  _ because you're not fine. _ You were beaten up outside of a club I said we should go to. You were covered in blood and losing consciousness before we even found you. What if we didn't. What if  _ I  _ didn't. What if I hadn't gotten there in time? Fuck! I  _ didn't  _ get there in time. I didn't get to  _ you  _ in time.”

 

Neil closed his eyes at the full force of Andrew's anger. Not because he was afraid, but because he had never seen so much from Andrew. A tear slipped free and Neil let it roll down his face.

 

“But you did.” He said quietly.

 

Andrew wouldn't look at him.

 

“You did Andrew. You did and none of what happened was your fault. If anything it's mine. I shouldn't have left the club, hell, Andrew I could have said no to going to the club, but I wanted to go.” The  _ for you _ , remained un added because he felt it would make the situation worse, but he needed Andrew to know none of this was his fault.

 

“It's not your fault.”

 

Andrew still faced away from him not saying anything, and Neil couldn't take the silence anymore.

 

He tried to sit up, aiming for Andrew's sleeve, but the second he tried he fell back in pain unable to help the whimper that escaped his mouth.

 

Andrew was kneeling beside him in a second.

 

“Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid.” Andrew muttered. It was directed at Neil, but the words had no affect, not with the way Andrew was looking at him, like Neil had hung the stars in the sky.

 

“Yes or no Neil?”

 

Neil didn't know what it was for but he said yes, and was glad he did so. Andrew was oh so careful as he moved an arm under Neil's head, cradling it as he leaned forward and gently lay his own head on Neil's chest, ear pressed to where Neil's heart beat steadily.

 

It was a stupid moment of weakness on Andrew's part but… There wasn't words for it. He needed Neil, needed to know he was still here and alive and okay. Except he knew Neil wasn't okay. Neil had told him so himself.

 

_ “Where is he Roland?” Roland pointed to the staff room and Andrew walked in not bothering to head the ‘EMPLOYEES ONLY’ sign that hung on the door. Neil was on one of the smaller couches which suited him fine because Neil wasn't much taller than Andrew and Andrew wasn't able to take up all of the room on the couch even when he stretched out. _

 

_ Neil was in no condition to stretch. He was bloodied, the blood still wet on his face from a cut on one cheek, from his broken nose, and from his mouth. Andrew was sure Neil had more injuries under his clothes but he wouldn't deal with that now. _

 

_ “Is he asleep?” _

 

_ Roland shrugged from behind him. “He's in and out.” _

 

_ “Has he said anything?” _

 

_ “Apart from your name?” Andrew didn't need to turn around to know Roland was grinning. “He said no hospitals. Repeated it until he went under again.” _

 

_ Andrew nodded not at all bothered by the fact; he didn't like hospitals either. _

 

_ “What about the other guys?” Roland asked. _

 

_ “What guys?” Andrew asked dead serious. _

 

_ Roland sighed. “The ones who hurt Neil.” _

 

_ Andrew shrugged, “They're alive...barely.” _

 

_ “Fuck Andrew.” _

 

_ “They deserved it.” _

 

_ “I know, I know okay. Fuck.” _

 

_ “Anyone who can help Neil?” _

 

_ Roland looked over at Andrew, his hookup, past hookup it seemed, and then to the boy he was obviously in love with. Roland wouldn't ever say it to his face because he didn't feel like being stabbed, but it was clear as day that Andrew would do anything for him. _

 

_ “Yeah, we've got a girl who is training to be a surgeon. This should be easy as pie for her… If you'll let her help?” _

 

_ Andrew very visibly grit his teeth together but nodded. _

 

_ “Okay, I'll be back…” Roland walked out of the room without saying more leaving Andrew to watch over Neil. _

 

_ Barely a minute had passed before he glimpsed Neil's eyelids flutter. _

 

_ “Neil?”  _

 

_ Neil looked around, Andrew could see he wasn't completely present but it was better than silence. _

 

_ Or so he thought. _

 

_ “Drew?” _

 

_ Andrew sighed, “Yeah Neil?” _

 

_ “Thank you.” he sounded sad. _

 

_ “For what?” he asked Neil. _

 

_ “You were amazing.”  _

 

_ Andrew stared at him in confusion, why did Neil sound so sad? _

 

_ “Why does that sound like goodbye?” he didn't mean to ask out loud, but he didn't think it would matter because he had thought Neil had fallen asleep. _

 

_ He wasn't expecting an answer. _

 

_ “Drew?” it was a soft sleepy sound. _

 

_ “Yeah?”  _

 

_ “I'm dying.” _

 

_ Andrew's breath caught. _

 

_ “You won't die Neil. We're getting someone to help with the injuries.” _

 

_ Neil shook his head. “Not that. I'm  _ going _ to die. Soon, but not yet.”  _

 

_ Andrew stared at him in shock. Of all people to meet and fall for, it was Neil. Neil who was dying. _

 

_ “You can't die.” Andrew whispered. But Neil was already gone, drifted away into oblivion once again. _

 

_ “Stay. Neil. I  _ need _ you to stay.” _

 

_ Andrew was almost unresponsive when the girl came in to help Neil. He stood by him, guarding him from whatever danger may come to him. Like a gargoyle almost. The girl didn't bother to talk to him, just methodically cleaned and bandaged each wound on Neil's body.  _

 

_ He bristled when she moved to take off Neil's costume, but allowed her to strip off Neil's outer clothes to check on the wounds underneath. He was afraid of what would happen if he didn't. _

 

_ She changed Neil into something looser and then Andrew brought Neil home. _

 

_ There was thousands of things crossing his mind, but the only one that really mattered was telling Neil to stay, even if Neil couldn't hear him. _

 

_ He fell asleep watching Neil. _

 

“Stay.” It was a whispered into Neil's chest, so quiet it was hard to catch.

 

“Yes or no?” Neil asked.

 

Andrew didn't think long about it,  _ “Yes.” _

 

Neil slowly reached a hand to Andrew's hair and curled his fingers loosely in the soft pale strands.

 

“Is this okay?” Neil asked.

 

Andrew breathed willing his breath not to catch and his voice not to crack. 

 

“Yes.” 

 

They stayed like that for a very long time.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading, comments and kudos appreciated! if you want to talk to me in @i_care_bout_things_too on tumblr and I'm taking prompts so send some cause I've literally gotten none and I'm starting a new mini series and I want to see how many prompts I can shove into it! I mean, I say the same thing at the end of each update, and honestly does anyone read these of am I ranting into thin air? like am I actually yelling into the void of the internet and hoping some other soul wandering the cyber space says hi?


	7. chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this chapter should be played with too good at goodbyes by Sam Smith and evil by Antony Left, I mean its optional but I liked the chapter with these playing at the same time (like one after the other not literally the same time). part one of two that I split in half (obviously) enjoy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all I realize I've been typing my own tumblr user name wrong, like nothing major, but I've been using underscores instead of these things - which is what's supposed to be there and I feel pretty stupid ngl. anyway I'm doing this instead of studying for my exam tomorrow! idiocy at its finest guys, feel free to judge my bad decisions.

****

Andrew refused to let Neil leave the house until he was better. Of course that would be much sooner than Andrew was probably expecting, but even Neil knew he'd be stuck on that couch for at least a few days. 

 

Which also meant seeing Aaron.

 

Tilda too, but she never once glanced at Neil, not that she did do so to either of the twins but a stranger sleeping on your couch would at least raise an eyebrow.

 

So at least he knew whatever kept him from most mortal eyes was working. Sort of. 

 

It was a small relief.

 

Not that it mattered when Aaron woke up to Neil on the couch the next morning.

 

It was a very tense hour before he left for school. Andrew opting to stay home to take care of Neil ~~_and make sure he didn't slip away_~~  while Aaron went out to actually get an education.

 

It was a very uneventful day. Neil mostly slept and Andrew alternated between glaring, reading, brooding, and fussing. Not that any of that really helped but it was something.

 

During one of Neil's longer bouts of wakefulness with enough poking and prodding he even managed to get Andrew to read aloud to him. Neil had no idea what it was about, but in his defense he had fallen asleep not too long after. From what he could recall is was something about a teen werewolf and necromancer running from the people chasing them while they were stranded in the middle of the U.S. In all honesty the plot really didn't matter to him.

 

It was Andrew's voice that Neil listened to, trying to memorize the tenor and pitch and how he spoke some vowels. The easy way he spoke as if from memory rather than off a page.

 

It was a very good day regardless of his pain and him regurgitating any solid foods Andrew had tried to feed him. Andrew blamed his injuries but it was just Neil's inability to keep human food down. A good enough excuse either way.

 

It was even better when he slept right through Aaron returning.

 

The next day was much of the same.

 

The third he was left with Aaron while Andrew left to do  _ something _ . Whatever it was Neil wasn't allowed to go but at least it wasn't for long. He just had to spend a few hours in the same house. Neil now walking (not far distances but at least he could stand) really thought that it wasn't going to be a problem.

 

That was until he fell down the stairs because he tripped on his own two feet.

 

_ Fuck. _ His breath was ripped from him, his head spinning, dizzy with renewed pain.

 

Neil was content to lie there for a few minutes but Aaron had decided to leave his room and investigate the thumping noise that had been Neil's body hitting the floor.

 

Aaron appeared at the top of the stairs, looking ready for a fight (most likely one of the verbal kind) and instead came upon Neil's sorry state.

 

The disbelief on Aaron's face was relatable to say the least.

 

“What the fuck?” Neil heard him mutter softly.

 

Neil was getting very used to hearing those words.

 

“I fell.” Neil eventually said.

 

Aaron snorted derisively. “No kidding.”

 

They stared at each other until Aaron shook his head muttering some more but he walked down the stairs a knelt beside him anyway, his surprisingly keen eyes already assessing the situation.

 

“What hurts?”

 

Neil tried not to groan, “Everything.”

 

Aaron glared, “What in particular?”

 

Resisting the urge to say ‘everything’ again, Neil took stock of his new injuries.

 

“Lungs,’ he said pointing to his chest wincing, “Shoulder,” was said next, and last, Neil turned despairing eyes to his left leg, “Ankle.”

 

Aaron nodded unworried, “Pull any stitches?”

 

Neil shrugged and hissed in pain when he felt the movement in his shoulder, Aaron glared in annoyance making Neil want to growl at him, “I haven't checked.” He said instead.

 

“Well check.”

 

Neil kept his nasty temperament in check and used his non aching arm to lift his shirt revealing his scared abdomen earning a look of shock from Aaron.

 

“Shut up.”

 

Aaron scowled at Neil, “I didn't say anything.”

 

“You were going to.”

 

Aaron opened his mouth to actually say something but shut it with an audible clack, his aggravation clear as day. Regardless of how much  _ he _ felt like punching Neil, he checked Neil's stitches without doing so.

 

“You can put your shirt down, no stitches were ripped. Miraculously.”

 

Neil did so and then didn't even hesitate to try and stand. He almost fell right back down, or forward technically which would have hurt considering Neil's face was already considerably bruised, but luckily for Neil Aaron decided to catch him.

 

“Are you insane?” Aaron shouted.

 

Neil gave him a flat look, “No, I'd just like to get off the floor.”

 

“And I'd like to spend my Saturday doing normal shit but instead I'm helping the idiot red head kid my brother decided to keep around for some Unfathomable reason.”

 

Neil glared, “My hairs not red.”

 

Aaron almost dropped him for fun right there and then but Neil's miserable face told him he was in fact not enjoying this in anyway either.

 

“Whatever.”

 

Aaron half carried half dragged Neil to the couch he'd been sleeping on and not so gently deposited him there. Neil got himself situated and looked up to find Aaron still standing there.

 

“Why were you upstairs anyway?”

 

Neil glared before answering, “I was going to grab a book from Andrew's room, thought about it, decided he wouldn't want me in there, turned around and headed back down here...then I fell.”

 

Aaron almost snorted at him again but knew that wouldn't go down well.

 

“Wasn't there a book down here?”

 

Neil stiffened, “Yes.” 

 

Aaron narrowed his eyes, “Why not read that?”

 

Neil growled but it had no effect on Aaron who was pretty much acting as caretaker while Andrew was gone.

 

“I can't read it.” Neil grudgingly said.

 

“Why not? Is it not to your liking? Or are you too dumb?”

 

Aaron was sneering but he hadn't expected Neil to look murderous at his harmless jab.

 

“Fuck off. If you want to insult someone at least do it to someone able to fight back.”

 

“I'm-” Aaron tried but stopped at Neil's closed off expression. “Look, I don't like you,” Neil muttered  _ ditto _ and Aaron tried to ignore the comment to the best of his ability, “but I'm not being a dick on purpose.” 

 

Neil raised his brows and Aaron had to push down his frustration. Fuck he was bad with words.

 

“I'm just... naturally defensive?”

 

Neil stared at him for a good ten seconds, the unnervingly icy eyes searching his face which wasn't pleasant but Aaron let him look.

 

Finally Neil sighed, “I'm dyslexic.”

 

_ Oh,  _ Aaron felt like a dick, just a bit. “Sucks.” He said. Neil nodded and lay down on the couch staring blankly at the ceiling.

 

“What even happened to you?”

 

“What is this? Twenty questions?” Neil mentally applauded himself for the retort (and thanked Matt for explaining the game to him) when Aaron scowled, before remembering they were in a temporary truce, or whatever, for the time being.

 

“Sorry,” he said not all that apologetically. “Force of habit...”

 

Aaron nodded and Neil took that as acceptance of his slip up and continued to speak.

 

“So anyway, we went to a club, cause Halloween y’know? I haven't really ever done much for Halloween so when Andrew suggested it I agreed to go on some terms. We stay there for a few hours and then finish it off here watching scary movies cause I don't like clubs and Andrew shot down trick or treating, not that we both couldn't pass for kids but he's lazy,” Aaron softly huffed something like a laugh, and Neil felt the corners his lips turn up slightly.

 

“Back to me not liking clubs, not long after we got there I decided I needed air… As soon as physically possible. Which in a crowded nightclub is not as fast as I needed right then, and I ended up in some alley way. I-I wasn't really in the right headspace,” he tried not to snort derisively but Neil figured that it didn't really work when Aaron frowned slightly. He didn't understand why Aaron made the face, just like he didn't know how anyone could mistake either twin for the other, Aaron was much more expressive than Andrew. 

 

“I'm very fucked up,” Neil casually noted, “Figures doesn't it?” Aaron says nothing in return and the semi frowny face remained in place. Neil sighs, no one fucking talks in this family. “Right, well while I was there, some guys wandered into the alley,” (not that wander was the right word as Neil well knew. They heard the tears, they came for the source) “And they assaulted me…”

 

Neil grows quiet for a moment, his whole face spoke volumes but for what Aaron couldn't tell. Neil's lips were turning white from being pressed together so hard, his eyes were unfocused and everything looked strained.

 

“I'm very lucky Andrew saved me.” He eventually says in a tone barely above a whisper.

 

_ Well damn. _ Now Aaron really did feel like a jerk

 

It was very awkward silence with Neil no longer speaking.

 

“You have an accent.” Aaron blurted, (and then winced) he was so not subtle.

 

Neil looked visibly pained at Aaron's horrible attempt of a subject change.

 

“I do.” He agreed. Well at least he went with it.

 

“Feel like telling me about it?”

 

_ Not really no _ . Neil knew this was Aaron trying his best, but he didn't know much about his accent, just that it wasn't wholly his. Sort of? It was other Neil's, the one who existed some place else. The one who had parents and friends and the ability to be seen by people. The one who wasn't a demon. The one who had a future with Andrew. It was his accent, Neil knew that now. It appeared every now and then throughout his existence, although for reasons Neil hadn't ever known until Halloween.

 

It was like Neil's fear of parents he didn't have, other Neil did, so Neil had it too. He was starting to realize he was very closely tied to this other Neil, possibly even a copy.

 

“It's from my mom’s side.”

 

Aaron looked fairly surprised, which was fair enough Neil supposed. From what Aaron knew, Neil never went to class, and had been sleeping on the twin’s couch since Halloween with no concern for or from his family.

 

“How'd you get it?”

 

Neil shrugged slightly, mindful of his sore shoulder. “Lived there for a bit.” 

 

That was at least partly true. Neil had stayed in London when a Chris had summoned him with the words “I'm fine.”

 

Chris hadn't lived, and thinking about him made Neil flush with guilt. He'd forgotten about him, just like he had Alex and Stephan, another two who hadn't survived Neil draining them of all their luck.

 

With Neil gone silent, and Aaron with absolutely no idea what to say, it became very quiet and about five times as awkward. So much so, that Aaron was at the point where he was just going to up and leave. Neil stopped him before he could.

 

“He cares about you, y’know?”

 

Aaron held himself very still, tension lined his frame.

 

“I think he's just isn't great at showing  _ you _ .”

 

Aaron said nothing for a moment.

 

“He wouldn't appreciate you saying this.”

 

Neil hummed his agreement, “I know… but he won't ever say it himself.” 

 

Aaron's face shuttered a bit and Neil hastened to add “Not because he doesn't care Aaron.”

 

“Then why?” 

 

The question showed his vulnerability, the anger and pain, and  _ sadness _ .

 

“Foster kids learn not to care about things, to protect themselves. Just in case it gets taken away, which it usually does. That fear never goes away Aaron. It's _ always _ there, it might lessen over time, but it's ingrained at such an early age…”

 

Neil's eyes pleaded with Aaron to understand, to give Andrew time, in hopes that when Neil dies, when another thing Andrew cares about is taken away, that Aaron will be there to hold him together. To keep Andrew from completely giving up on life.

 

Aaron met Neil's eyes and nodded. He didn't know why Neil was telling him this, but he would listen. For himself, and for his brother.

 

Things weren't as awkward after that, and Aaron stayed until Neil fell asleep.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading, find me on tumblr @i-care-bout-things-too and if you want drop a comment or a like, I'd love to hear what you thought. thanks to everyone for restoring my faith in the notes section. also, do you guys read the my replies to the comments you leave? (now that I know y'all read these might as well ask) I still need prompts so you can still send me prompts, otherwise I'll have to go find some on my own and that's takes soooo much time. hope you enjoyed this! (do any of you know what book Andrew was reading to Neil?)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Read this chapter with Think Before I Talk by Astrid S on loop, I promise its worth it, this was the song that played while I wrote it so trust me! also yay for me exams are over! (for this semester at least) so an early update cause I cant help myself! Fluffy chapter for y'all in celebration of this achievement with the least amount of angst in like this whole fic. enjoy!

Neil was woken up by something soft hitting him in the face.

****

“What the?” He asked drowsily mind still clouded by sleep. He didn't know what was on his face but he didn't care and remained as he was just like the soft thing remained on his face.

****

“Don't make me throw the shoes.” He heard Andrew threaten from somewhere nearby.

****

Neil grinned. “You wouldn't.”

****

When Andrew didn't reply Neil knew he was right and let his grin widen.

****

“Whatever. Just get the fuck off the couch.”

****

Neil shook his head in attempt to dislodge the soft thing. When he got it under his eyes he opened one and looked around for the short blond.

****

“We going somewhere?” he asked after getting his fill of the grumpy face Andrew didn't seem to know he was wearing.

****

Andrew stared flatly at him which Neil took as a yes.

****

“Is this clothing?”

****

The flat stare remained in place. Another yes.

****

“Will you help me up?”

****

Andrew huffed but moved closer, putting his hands on Neil only after getting a series of yeses. When Neil was standing he tried his best to walk on his own knowing that Andrew would cancel whatever it was they were doing if Neil was too injured. However once in that washroom, Neil realized a problem.

****

“Andrew?” 

****

“What Neil?”

****

“Would you be alright helping me get changed?”

****

“Yes.” He said aggrieved. The idiot was still thinking about Andrew’s well being even when he couldn't put on fucking clothing.

****

“Are you going to come in?” Neil asked when Andrew didn't immediately barge in.

****

“Are you going to let me in?” Andrew challenged from outside the locked door.

****

Andrew heard a muffled sound of surprise and sighed in exasperation. 

****

“Idiot.” Was the first thing he said upon entering the washroom.

****

Neil grinned fondly. “You like it.”

****

“I hate you.”

****

“Sure you do.” he agreed insincerely, mocking almost.

****

“I could leave.” Andrew pointed out.

****

“You keep saying that, but you never follow through. I'm starting to think you can't.”

****

Andrew huffed indigent, but he stayed proving Neil's point.

****

“Shut up.” he told Neil's stupid face. “What do you need help with?”

****

Neil pointed at his shirt using his good arm. Andrew nodded and together they managed to take it off without ripping his stitches, or disturbing his injured shoulder.

****

Andrew had already grabbed Neil's new shirt, and deodorant by the time Neil managed to shimmy out of his pants. Andrew although completely floored by Neil's trust and mouth more than a little dry from his initial glimpse kept his eyes solely on Neil's face.

****

Neil stood in his boxers watching Andrew.

****

“You can look.” Neil whispered.

****

Andrew cursed colorfully. “Yes or no?”

****

“Yes.” 

****

Andrew looked. 

****

Neil had scars everywhere. All of them looked precise and with malicious intent. Placed in areas to cause the most pain. Andrew could not find more than a few square inches of unscarred skin. It made him see red. But he kept his anger contained to himself, Neil would tell him later, and Andrew would kill anyone who tried to hurt Neil ever again. That settled Andrew enough to meet Neil's eyes.

****

He didn't speak. He didn't need to. Andrew still thought (and would always think) Neil was beautiful.

****

It took much longer to leave the house than Andrew planned, but it didn't matter, he was in no rush. He'd always wait for Neil.

****

…

****

A car was idling outside the house. It looked more expensive than Andrew's usual thefts (borrows). 

****

“Trying to get caught?”

****

Andrew scoffed. “Like I could.”

****

Neil shrugged smiling at Andrew's cocky confidence. “I don't think you should tempt fate either way.”

****

“Fate favours the bold. And it's not like I did it for that reason in the first place.”

****

“Then why?”

****

Andrew turned to Neil, lifting a hand to his face and waited for the yes, before brushing his hand over the cut on Neil's cheek. “It drives smoother. It should make the ride more comfortable for you.”

****

Andrew allowed himself 3 seconds to stare at Neil's awed face before turning back around and slipping into the car.

****

“C’mon idiot, lets go.”

****

…

****

“We're going shopping?” Neil's face twisted in confusion, having not expected to do something so... _ normal _ .

****

“I never got my candy.”

****

Neil knew Andrew was a hundred percent serious and just accepted it, following Andrew into the store.

****

“Is that all we're getting?”

****

Andrew shrugged. “It's Costco, never know what you might find.”

****

“You making Costco sound like a thrift store.”

****

Andrew snorted, “Of course you go thrifting.”

****

Neil looked offended. “For the last time I don't go thrifting for my clothes!”

****

“Could've fooled me.”

****

Neil scowled, but it quickly turned into a pout. He even crossed his arms and fell into a sullen silence.

****

“C'mon drama queen, candy should be around her somewhere.”

****

Neil somehow managed to look even more offended than before and Andrew started to snicker against his will.

****

Neil stuck out his tongue and stomped away leaving Andrew to follow this time. He found Neil in front of the now on sale Halloween candy, which held boxes upon boxes of chocolate, gummies and hard candies like lollipops, smarties, m and ms, rockets and jolly ranchers to name a few.

****

Neil stared at them all blankly.

****

“Not a fan?” Andrew asked.

****

“I guess you can say that.”

****

Andrew hummed, “Well get your trauma under control, were on a mission.”

****

Neil looked at him incredulously. “What?”

****

“I'm getting those boxes on the top shelf.” The top shelf which neither boy could reach, not even on a stool.

****

“Why not just grab some from these shelves?” Neil motioned to the much lower reachable ones.

****

Andrew shook his head disappointed with Neil. “Up there is the  _ good _ candy. Down here is the normal stuff.”

****

“It all looks the same.”

****

“Just like you're clothes.” Andrew quipped.

****

Neil glared. “Do you want my help or not?”

****

Andrew raised a brow at Neil. They locked eyes, a silent battle of wills.

****

“Guess not.” Neil said lightly, already beginning to turn away when Andrew snatched the cuff of Neil's (Andrew's) hoodie sleeve.

****

“Nope. You're staying right here.” Andrew told him. When Neil turned back to face him with a wide grin Andrew realized he'd been tricked, and he had lost.

****

“I win!” Neil crowed happily.

****

“I hate you.” Andrew lied.

****

“I know. Now give me a boost I might be able to reach them if you lift me.”

****

Andrew sighed, it was a good (and probably the only sensible) plan but he still, hadn't wanted to work this much for candy. 

****

“Yes or no?” He asked Neil.

****

“Yes.” Neil confirmed, Andrew nodded in turn and knelt down to wrap his arms around Neil a bit below the waist, tugging him onto his left shoulder and standing back up.

****

With Neil sitting on his shoulder, they could reach the boxes of good candy, and Neil started dropping boxes into the cart Andrew had the foresight to grab.

****

“How many?” Neil asked.

****

“How many are there?” Andrew asked back.

****

“Plus the two in the cart? Eleven boxes.”

****

Andrew considered, “Drop it in three more, I'll get some hard candy from down here after.”

****

Neil did as told and then was lowered back to the ground.

****

“Damn we're short.” He commented after regaining his balance. Andrew who was five feet flat to Neil's five foot three wholeheartedly agreed.

****

“It's not like either of us are going to continue growing so get used to it.”

****

Neil pouted at the unpleasant truth, “Never said I wasn't.”

****

“It was implied.” Neil shrugged and adjusted his hoodie, wincing slightly when he moved his shoulder too fast.

****

“Careful junkie, if you get hurt anymore I'll have to push you off a roof.”

****

“I'd drag you down with me.” He replied easily before frowning. “Wait, how does one equal the other?”

****

Andrew gave him an odd pointed look. “I'd be putting you, and uncoincidentally me, out of our misery.”

****

“Why are you miserable?” He asked in disbelief.

****

“Cause I have to take care of your stupid ass unfortunately.”

****

“You don't actually have to-”

****

Andrew cut Neil off before he could say something even more ridiculous.

****

“I do,” Andrew glared at Neil when he opened his idiot mouth. “It's non negotiable so shut up.”

****

Neil looked unhappy but shut up and watched Andrew load bags of lollipops and Jolly ranchers into the cart until he decided he had enough to last presumably, to next Halloween.

****

They wandered around the store after, and when Neil's strength began to lag, Andrew made room inside the cart for Neil to sit. When they began to run out of room in the cart Andrew just piled the lighter stuff onto Neil and kept going. Somehow (because of Andrew) Neil ended up covered in a blanket, with some easier books and a box of assorted puzzles, everything from tangrams to an 1000 piece puzzle to sudoku.

****

Hugging the blanket around himself Neil stared curiously at the box of puzzles.

“What are these for?”

****

Andrew glanced at Neil from where he had been gazing longingly at the ice cream.

****

“I thought you might be getting bored.”

****

“With your company?” Neil grinned devilishly “Never.”

****

“And what about with Aaron?” Andrew challenged.

****

“You're leaving me with him again?” He asked aghast.

****

Andrew bared his teeth, an imitation of a smile, and ignored Neil's following protests. 

****

“I thought you two were getting along.”

****

Neil turned wary eyes upon Andrew. “We formed a truce of some sort. I think.”

****

“And?”

****

“And? He's still annoying.”

****

“Sure.” Andrew agreed (judgingly, Neil could tell Andrew was just humouring him.) 

****

“Whatever.” Neil efficiently ended the conversation and continued to watch Andrew stare longingly at the ice cream.

****

“Are you going to pick one?” Neil huffed.

****

“It's too expensive.” He said, but he didn't move away from the freezers.

****

Neil frowned, “That's all?”

****

Andrew turned to glare at him, Neil shrugged. “If you want it that bad I'll pay.”

****

The words startled Andrew, who had never thought once that Neil had money of his own, and that if he did, he couldn't use it. Especially not on ice cream or Andrew.

****

“Why would you do that?”

****

Neil glared at him this time. “Why do you think?!” He asked incredulous, but since it seemed to be a rhetorical question, Andrew assumed his response wasn't needed and said nothing. It's possible he knew why, but the fact that someone, that  _ Neil _ cared for him was inconceivable. Astounding. Impossible. Yet again and again Neil proved he did.

****

“Just grab however many you can fit in your freezer, more if you want.” The tone in his voice told Andrew Neil was angry, and it was his fault, but Andrew couldn't find the words to say to him. Instead he obeyed and loaded ice cream into the cart.

****

That at least seemed to please Neil a bit, but he still looked decidedly unhappy.

****

With ice cream loaded in, Andrew pushed the cart to the front of the store where the registers were located. Neil climbed out and landed unsteadily on his feet, biting his lip when the pain made him dizzy.

****

“You should have stayed seated, I would have helped you out and saved you the pain idiot.”

****

Neil scowled but softened almost immediately, clearly warring with his own emotions.

****

Neil burst. “Damn you you know!”

****

Andrew felt his stomach sink. The fear that he would fuck up made true, and now he was going to lose Neil.

****

But Neil wasn't done. “Why can't I be mad?! Why can't you accept the fact that I care about you?! Why the hell are you so perfect?! This isn't fair! You can't protect me and do things for me and care for me without getting things in return. That's bullshit and you know it! You're so rutting selfless and stupid! I love you, you fucking moron! You've made me feel shit I didn't think was possible and I fell for you! You make me unbearably happy and I don't even know why I'm still yelling!”

****

Andrew stood stunned, quite actually frozen in place. The resulting impossibly tense silence give Andrew time to process everything Neil had just shouted at him, which was needed cause Andrew's brain had started to short circuit somewhere around the word love.

****

Neil was breathing heavily, somehow managing to look beautiful and wild and completely other in some fucking shitty Costco. Andrew really wished they were alone, and Neil seemed to realize this, even practically fuming he could read Andrew like, well not a book in his case, but something Neil could understand exceptionally perhaps. He nodded at Andrew, defensive stance turning into slumped shoulders and exhaustion. “Let's go home Drew.”

****

Andrew couldn't say thank you, but he hoped Neil could see how grateful he was. 

****

Together in silence they loaded items onto the conveyor. Neil wandered off when the line took to long and he became jittery, only reappearing when Andrew was ready to pay. Neil handed a wad of cash to him, and placed some additional items on the conveyor. Andrew too busy counting the money that Neil had somehow acquired didn't see what they were and payed them no mind.

****

Andrew dealt with the cashier while Neil put all their sacked items back into the cart, falling into step with Andrew when he finished the most lifeless transaction he'd ever experienced. Usually he would have been glad of that, but his focus was on all Neil. It's not like that was much different than usual, however it was taking all his strength to not shoot wary glances at Neil.

****

This, whatever this was, only evolved and escalated right from day one, and Andrew didn't know where they stood now. It was like someone had ripped the ground from beneath his feet sending him into a free fall. Andrew had always feared the fall more than the height, if only because it had called to him in his darker moments. 

****

Needless to say, no words were shared between the two until they were in the car, well away from every other inconsequential person, and ready to drive back to the house.

****

“Yes or no?” Neil asked him.

****

“Yes.” Andrew replied, it was the quietest yes, but still a yes. He was finding that he couldn't say no to Neil, and yet if he did, Neil would listen and perhaps that's why it was always a yes.

****

The fall didn't seem so daunting when Neil was with him.

****

Neil slid his fingers in between Andrew’s, and held onto his hand like it was his lifeline. It just might have been. 

****

Neil promptly fell asleep, his grip on Andrew's hand never loosening.

****

It settled something deep and vulnerable inside Andrew. He'd be a liar to say he ever wanted it to end, and if he took longer to drive home, well only he actually knew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whelp, hope you guys liked it! as always find me on tumblr @i-care-bout-things-too send prompts, asks, start a convo, honestly good with all of that! leave a comment or kudos if ya like, were officially nearing the end here guys, way past mid way in word count now! if anyone feels like recommending me some books to read or songs to listen to that'd be great as well!!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT, play this chapter with SATURN by sleeping at last. You'll understand soon. (this is lowkey mandatory)
> 
> side note: could I have split this into 2 chapters? yes. did I? no. Why? …well you'll see
> 
> enjoy :)

Neil took in the scene in front of him, eyes as cold as the snow that was falling. He had woken up on the couch, covered with his new blanket and the others. The small item he had bought Andrew yesterday was still tucked into his hoodie pocket, and Neil had breathed a sigh of relief when he realized Andrew hadn't found it when carrying in his sleeping form.

 

Neither had yet to bring up yesterday.

 

“It's early.” Andrew remarked from behind him.

 

Neil turned his head to look at Andrew instead, a much preferred view. Andrew was lying on the floor observing Neil the way Neil did him. He had plopped there with his candy not long after Neil woke, and hadn't moved since.

 

“I suppose.”

 

They stared at each other, until Andrew huffed and pulled out another candy bar, the 5th this hour. Neil glanced at the clock that read 9:08am and mentally subtracted the 3 minutes it was ahead. Andrew would be done all 5 of his boxes of chocolate before noon at this rate.

 

It seemed they were going to ignore yesterday completely.

 

“You're going to choke.” Neil told him.

 

Andrew chucked a candy bar at him. “Choke on that.”

 

“It won't kill me.” Neil reminded him.  ~~_ You will. _ ~~

 

“A pity.”

 

Neil huffed and moved away from the window deciding to join the shorter boy on the floor. He lay on his back beside Andrew in a way that their heads were aligned but there bodies were in opposite directions.

 

Neil's eyes never left Andrew, and was quickly distracted by his lips. And jaw. And cheek bones.

 

He wasn't fine with ignoring yesterday, but this was nice and he didn't want to ruin it.

 

“Staring.” Andrew says, the sugar giving him a fake cheerful voice.

 

Neil hums in reply, and hears ‘idiot’ muttered under Andrews breath but pays it no mind.

 

“How old are you?” Neil asks.

 

Andrew raises a brow, “Nineteen.”

 

Neil sputters in disbelief. “I don't believe you.”

 

Andrew shrugs, “And you?”

 

_ I don't know _ . That was the truth

 

“Eighteen.” he lies.

 

Andrew snorts, “What a surprise, I don't believe you either.”

 

Now Neil shrugs but he feels an underlying layer of guilt for not telling him the truth.

 

“Can I take a turn?” Neil said instead.  ~~_ Sometimes the truth was not what we wanted. _ ~~

 

Andrew sighs but nods.

 

“Who asked?”

 

“Be more specific Neil.”

 

“Who asked if you were fine?” It wouldn't make sense to most people but Andrew wasn't most people. He understood Neil, enough to know that this was an important question. Yet the silence grew, and Neil began to think Andrew wouldn't answer. 

 

“My brother.” He said.

 

Neil felt hate for Aaron flare but smothered it quickly. 

 

“Why?”

 

“He needed someone to be okay, so that he didn't have to be.”

 

Neil's teeth ground together, he was trying to keep calm. It wasn't Aaron's fault that he was just as fucked up as his brother. It wasn't his fault he needed help. It wasn't his fault, but in a way it was. How could he ask someone as broken as Andrew for help? Why did Andrew have to be such a fucking martyr?

 

“I thought you didn't like liars.” Neil eventually said.

 

“I didn't lie.”

 

That in itself was a lie.

 

“Then why am I here?”

 

Andrew looked at him, and Neil looked right back.

 

“Are you fine?” he asked in turn. It was a deflection but Neil let it go, and instead looked up at the cobweb covered ceiling.

 

“I don't dont think I've ever been fine.” He answered truthfully, one of the only truths he could give Andrew.

 

Andrew huffed. “I thought you were a liar.”

 

“I thought you wanted the truth.”

 

Andrew pushed Neil's face away, albeit gently, mindful of Neil's injuries. He hadn't realized they'd gotten so close. They drift into a comfortable silence when no more is said between them. Andrew's breathing and the ticking of the clock on the mantle the only sounds they could hear.

 

“Hey Andrew?”

 

“What Neil?”

 

“It's a yes.”

 

Andrew doesn't react at all, and Neil thinks Andrew might not have heard him, but they were so close that the thought is dismissed just as quickly as it came.

 

“A yes to what Neil?” Andrew sounds breathless, and it does things to Neil. 

 

He's staring wide eyed at Andrew, his heart in his throat and Neil's afraid he's going to choke on it before he can even get the words out.

 

“You had said, that when I could consent, then it would be yes,” Andrew nodded, holding Neil's eyes with his own. The hope so long concealed was visible in his eyes, peeking out from behind Andrew's near infallible walls, pushing and digging it's way through his apathy.

 

“I want to kiss you Drew, yes or no?”

 

“Fuck,” the word was cursed under Andrew's breath, and Neil couldn't help the hopeful smile that appeared on his face.

 

“Yes. Fuck yes.”

 

Neil's hopeful smile turned into a full blown wide one, and he was still smiling, when Andrew placed his lips over Neil's own. The joy he felt was almost unbearable and this damn giddiness refused to cease.

 

Andrew pulled away to glare at Neil. “Stop smiling junkie.”

 

Neil tried and succeeded for about 0.3 seconds before it returned.

 

“I can't.” He sighed happily.

 

Andrew groaned ever aggrieved. “I hate you.”

 

“To what degree?” Neil asked gleefully goading him on.

 

Andrew pulled back more and changed position so that he was on his knees hovering over Neil. Now they were aligned, and Andrew was still scowling at the boy currently under him. Seems right.

 

“The nth degree.” Andrew said before grabbing Neil's hands and pinning them to the floor above his head. He held them there with one of his own, while Andrew’s other tilted Neil's chin up so he couldn't look anywhere else but Andrew.

 

“I hate you.”

 

“Kiss me?”

 

Andrew did.

 

“100%” he said disgusted.

 

Neil laughed, a joyful sound that had Andrew staring fondly at him. Neil fought the urge to tell Andrew he was staring, cause he knew Andrew would stop, and Neil never wanted Andrew to stop.

 

“Hey Drew?”

 

Andrew raised a brow at Neil's hushed voice.

 

“Happy Birthday.”

 

Andrew pulled away in surprise. “What?”

 

He didn't seem angry, but Neil couldn't quite tell what Andrew was thinking.

 

“I got you something, it's okay if you don't want it, but I thought you should have something on your birthday.”

 

Andrew nodded mutely, so Neil held out a hand. He was holding a small unornate wooden box, smaller than his palm. Andrew looked at it for a moment before taking it, gently lifting if out of Neil's hand.

 

“What is it?” Andrew asks.

 

Neil motioned at him to open it, so Andrew did. Inside the box, was its inner workings. Andrew lifted it closer to his eyes and reverently dragged a finger over the tuned teeth of the steel comb, the pins on the revolving cylinder, and the screws holding it all down to the bedplate.

 

“It's a music box.”

 

Neil nodded, the smile in his eyes as he watched Andrew, not hidden but less likely to earn comment. Andrew reached for the crank and turned it slowly. Neil was eager to hear it's tune. He didn't know what would play, he just hoped Andrew would like it.

 

Andrew released the crank when it would turn no more, and stilled when the first notes played.

 

The tune was beautiful. Haunting and lovely. They listened to it for a time before Andrew shut the lid of the box when a lull occurred between notes effectively pausing the song.

 

“It's perfect.” Andrew said.

 

As was the nature of things Neil needed. They always seemed to be perfect, and not wholly of the natural world. He supposed being some sort of luck demon had its perks. The music box had appeared when he wandered away from Andrew. Neil knew it wasn't from the store (although it  _ appeared _ as if it was) because while being the only one, it also radiated with some form of energy. Neil called it luck to find the perfect gift. Luck to reach into the pocket of his sweater and find cash that Neil knew hadn't been there before.

 

“Do you like it?” Neil asked hesitantly.

 

“Yes.”

 

Neil contentedly watched Andrew as he set aside his gift and became wholly focused on Neil again.

 

“I want to kiss you. Yes or no?”

 

“Yes Drew, it always yes with you.”

 

Andrew scowled “Don't always me.”

 

“It's still a yes.” Neil persisted.

 

“Until it's a no.” Neil was going to argue but Andrew glared at him until Neil conceded with a dip of his head.

 

“Good.” He muttered before pushing Neil back to the floor and kissing him until they were both gasping for breath.

 

…

 

They spent the whole day with each other (again). Part of it spent tangled up together, legs entwined and arms holding the other to them. Part of it spent doing the puzzles and having Andrew read aloud for Neil. Although Andrew would never say it, it was the best birthday he'd ever had.

 

Neil was still an enigma who brought heartache in his pocket but Andrew was gone for him in every way. 

 

“Things about you don't add up.” Andrew informed Neil quite some time later. Andrew had been pondering events surrounding the boy currently sitting across from him on the couch doing sudoku puzzles, and although Andrew always knew Neil wasn't quite right, now he had some solid proof.

 

“Good thing I'm not a math problem.” Neil replied amused.

 

“Yet I still want to solve you.”

 

Neil looked up and met Andrew's molten amber eyes with his own icy blue ones.

 

“You're welcome to try.” It was a dare and an invitation and Andrew readily accepted it.

 

He leaned forward and crowded Neil against the couch arm rest, still leaving enough room to let Neil push him away if he chose it. “Yes or no?”

 

Neil did not choose to push him away. “Yes.” 

 

And they were kissing again. 

 

It had been like that all day. The causal intimacy and the peace that they shared made it feel like this was always going to happen and as if it had already been happening forever.

 

Neil reluctantly pulled away when he heard the incorrect clock chime 11 o'clock.

 

“If you're actually going to return to school tomorrow you should go to sleep now.”

 

Andrew slowly sat up, the whole time hoping Neil would pull him back down and tell him to fuck school when Andrew saw the longing in his idiot’s eyes, but considering Neil was the one who had told Andrew he should return in the first place, Neil made Andrew go, looking at him with only a bit of wistfulness.

 

“As long as you're here in the morning.” Andrew warned.

 

Neil smiled fondly at him, “okay.” He swore.

 

Neil was still smiling as Andrew left and he drifted off to sleep himself.

…

When Neil woke less than an hour later, he knew he wasn't going to make it to morning.

He had woken shivering, the blankets he'd been covered with had fell through his body when his mortal form could no longer be supported with his fraying self.

It was the first time his whole body had ceased to exist when he had been using it.

There was no specific moment when Neil realized that these would be his final hours. No realization of dawning epiphany. Just the knowledge that since his mortal form failed than soon Neil would too. Neil's mortal form was still a form of him, and he wouldn't survive the loss. Not with bits of his demonic self already lost too. Neil figured that if this was truly his end, then he was going to spend it with Andrew. 

If Andrew would still have him once he learned the truth.

Neil was about to die, and he hadn't told Andrew.

Andrew who had trusted him, and taken care of him, and who Neil couldn't bare to tell.

And now it was too late.

Neil felt ready to break down, to just shatter, but the thought of Andrew kept him going. Off the couch and up the stairs, cradling Andrew's music box against his chest  even while his mortal form flickered, failing the whole time. He was struggling to take in air, shaking with the energy it took to move his limbs.

He almost cried in relief when he reached Andrew's door. He almost cried when he tried to knock and his hand went through the door without making a sound.

He tried again, and again, and it just wasn't working. Neil knew he had to calm down, but it was like the first day he learned he'd fade all over again. Neil couldn't help himself, he let out a sob. He hated that he couldn't pull himself together just to put a hand on the door.

Neil knew Andrew hated the word, and that it hadn't ever done anyone much good, but when he sank to his knees in exhaustion it was the only word he could think of.

_ Please please please please please please please please please please. I just want Andrew. Please. _

“Neil?”

“Andrew.” He choked out in shock.

_ It worked. _

Andrew reached out and wrapped his arms around Neil after he got permission and lifted him off the floor.

“What's wrong Neil?”

“I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sor-”

“Neil.” Andrew said forcefully. “What's wrong?”

“I'm dying.”

Andrew heaved a sigh, feeling the weight of the truth and Neil's pain settling itself on his shoulders.

“I know Neil.”

Neil gaped momentarily forgetting his current predicament, “You do?”

“You told me… Sort of. It was on Halloween after the  _ incident.” _

While Neil processed this, Andrew lowered Neil onto his bed and settled down beside him, accepting Neil back into his arms when he asked to be held.

“I'm sorry Drew.” Neil whispered into the silence.

Andrew scowled over his fear and still racing heart. “Stop apologizing. You have nothing to be sorry for.”

“I broke my promise though.’

Andrew had no idea what Neil was talking about.

“What promise?”

“I said I'd be there in the morning. I swore it.”

Andrew stilled when he finally realized what was happening.

“Is-Now? You're going to-Now?”

Tears slid down Neil's face and Andrew could feel them soaking into his shirt. 

“I'm sorry. I'm sorry I broke my promise. I'm sorry, I'm sor-.” He was cut off by his own tears and Andrew could do nothing but hug his shaking idiot against his chest. Of course he was worried about that right now, when there was so many other things to despair over Neil picked the most inconsequential one.

“You didn't break your promise Neil.”

Neil whimpered in pain. “I did.”

“You didn't. It's 12:18, see? Morning. It'll be alright. I'm here. You didn't break your promise. It'll be fine.”

Andrew was lying through his teeth and he couldn't find it in himself to care. He didn't even know who he was reassuring but it seemed to work. Neil calmed down, the hurried frantic breath slowed and the shaking was no longer full body tremors.

“I love you.” Neil whispered. Andrew held him tighter unable to stop the racing of his thoughts.  _ No. No don't do this Neil. Don't don't don't. _ “You are perfect.”

Neil fell asleep in Andrew's arms, body cold as the blue ice in his eyes.

Andrew had sworn he would never do it again. He never pictured Neil.

Andrew broke his promise. He cried.

…

It was inevitable that Andrew would drift off to sleep. The mix of stress weariness  and pain was an elixir the dragged Andrew into darkness along with Neil. He wasn't awake when Neil passed away in his sleep, which may have been a blessing or a curse. It was a blessing that Neil passed in his sleep so he didn't have to go through all that pain again, so that Andrew didn't. Andrew considered it a curse that he woke at all.

But he did.

He woke to his room being filled with the gray light of winter. To his breaths coming out in cold puffs because the heating hadn't been paid yet again. He woke with his arms wrapped around what was left of the boy he would always claim he hated.

Who in this moment he really did hate.

He hated Neil for everything.

He didn't hate Neil and he hated that too.

Andrew sat there for a time, how long he didn't know, barely remarking on its passing. His tears had long since dried on his face, and he had no more to cry. Andrew's eyes were empty in a way they hadn't been in a very long time.

_ He _ was empty.

And it fucking hurt like hell. The hollow ache constantly reminding him that something used to be there and that this barren feeling was wrong.  _ Wrong wrong wrong. _

It was wrong that Neiln was gone and that Andrew had been left alone yet again  and it was wrong that Andrew was still here.

“I hate you.” Andrew told no one, because there was no one to hear. 

He could almost picture his idiot responding, a little smirk and his ever annoying voice crowing  _ sure you do _ . Except Neil would never do that again. 

Andrew couldn't remove his arms from around Neil's body.

_ I could die here _ . He thought detached.

It was not by chance that then Andrew heard arguing coming from downstairs. It was bad luck, cause Andrew had healed enough for him to be no longer at rock bottom. Although this surely felt like it, in the depths of Andrew he knew things had been worse. He didn't care. To him this was worse, and he had an out now. He after all had warned Tilda.

He moved to get out of bed and by doing so jostled Neil and something he had been holding fell from his unmoving fingers.

The music box.

Andrew picked it up realizing he had never listened to the full song. He opened it, seemingly unpausing the song and in his numbed state he didn't register the oddness of hearing a singer’s voice join with the notes.

It was beautiful still, but seemed almost cruel considering the events of the day. It was made worse by the lyrics, making him  _ feel _ things he didn't want to feel right now. Or ever again.

He shut the box when the last notes played, delicately placing it on his bedside table.

He got dressed and walked down stairs, to see Aaron and an angry red mark already forming on his face.

“Pretend to be me.” 

Aaron considered him warily, Andrew imagined that he looked like death, which was almost funny, although probably off putting. Not that Tilda would notice.

“Where's Neil?” His twin asked.

Andrew remained impassive and Aaron seemed to realize something had happened and moved on.

“What are you doing?”

“Keeping my promise.”

Aaron blanched. “What does that mean?”

“I warned her. She didn't listen.”

Aaron turned impossibly whiter when he understood.

“Where's Neil, Andrew? What happened? He wouldn't let you do this.”

“He's not here to stop me.”

And perhaps that is when he realized, connected the dots, the few he had. Neil had warned Aaron and no he knew why.

“You promised me Andrew.”

“Am I not about to uphold it?”

“Until we graduate university.” 

Andrew considered Aaron. His brother was smart, he put it together and accepted it, but he wanted a different outcome. One Andrew wasn't sure he could give.

“We'll see.”

His brother nodded, and when Tilda walked into the room he obediently pretended to be Andrew while Andrew himself became Aaron

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did you guys think this was going to be happy? hahahaha it isn't. I'm sad guys, this chapter literally took me like 2 fucking weeks to write cause it was too hard, yall are lucky I finished the fic before even posting the first chapter. seriously tho read the tags you'll feel better, ummm, yell at me on tumblr @ I-care-bout-things-too? yell at me here in the comments? feel free I lowkey deserve it.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> listen to this chapter with Remembering myself by Stephen, and Reforget by Lauv.
> 
> I hope you all enjoy this chapter (it has one of my fave scenes)

Neil hadn't woken up.

****

He simply reformed in his demonic body in one of the astral planes. It was relatively close to the human realm, considering they overlapped, however it wasn't one Neil had been in before.

****

He was lost. Neil had no idea where he was, but he knew where he wasn't. Considering he faded (partially) in Andrew's room, shouldn't Neil have remained there? But he was in a forest instead, not the ones outside of Andrew's house, or the one that held the abandoned fairgrounds. He could tell because this one had a murky feel, like the whole forest was shrouded in darkness.

****

It was rather peculiar. He hadn't been fully demonic in a while and Neil already felt himself growing distant. Not from Andrew. Never from him, but from the human world itself. His dislike for Aaron, the wish to be seen, his joy, memories of Matt and Dan and inconsequential things he enjoyed, his miserableness, his fear of his own impending death, all of those feelings lost their depth and Neil simply felt like he existed again.

****

It was concerning to say the least.

****

Neil didn't want to forget his feelings, or wishes, the things that made him live instead of just exist. He didn't want to forget what made him Neil. Yet that's what seemed to be happening.

****

_ Andrew. I just need to get to Andrew, and I'll be fine. _

****

Neil just needed to know where he was so he could get to where he should be. The only way to do that was to walk, and with no particular direction to go, Neil followed the tug in his mind.

****

Which may have been a bad idea admittedly.

****

As he walked towards the pull drawing him in, the forest grew even more murky, a stain of blackness turning the forest’s normal beauty into this twisted being. The reason for so, Neil discovered was the large manor not far from the edge of the tree line.

****

The manor, probably beautiful itself once, was now overflowing with black sludge, tendrils clinging to the sides and creeping out and away in all directions. The blackness trying to spread. It's corruption was going to destroy this forest.

****

_ Baltimore. _

****

His mind supplied. This was his (other Neil's) “family” home.

****

_ Why was he here? _

****

Neil against his good sense crept even closer to the damned building. If Andrew existed in this world and the other, then did that mean Neil's blood relations could as well? Could another Neil exist too? If so, maybe Neil wouldn't have to die. Maybe he could find a way to be human.

****

The thought was enthralling.

****

According to other Neil's memory, this is where he comes to die, so if Neil just waited he could save himself?

****

Neil smiled but it dimmed slightly when he realized he had no clue how long he'd have to wait, if he'd still be around by then, what he would even do, and if he hadn't faded completely would there even be enough of him left for it to matter? 

****

It was enough to give him hope despite his worries, and Neil resolved to come back here after making sure Andrew was okay.

****

Just as Neil wondered which way to go, a pain in his chest had him on the ground. Something bad was happening or going to happen to Andrew and the pain was telling him where to go. It lessened when he walked the right way and got worse when he didn't.

****

It was plain bad luck that new scars began to appear in places other Neil only gets after being tortured by Lola and Malcolm on the way to Baltimore.

****

It's begun. Human Neil was being delivered to his death.

****

Neil was torn. He needed to get to Andrew, but if human Neil died before he could return there would be no hope. Neil would fade and he'd never get to see Andrew again.

****

The pain in his chest worsened and Neil felt his decision solidify in himself. Andrew overruled everything, and nothing would keep Neil away, not even this human hope.

****

“Hang in there.” He prayed. Then he turned his back on Baltimore and started the trek to Andrew.

****

With the pull it's much easier than Neil thought it would be to cross the miles between them, even using what was left of his strength to jump from one place to another shortening the journey by much each time.

****

His worry encompasses him the whole way. He knows Andrew, and that is why he knows that it's Andrew's own doing that is causing this pain in Neil's chest.

****

When he finally reaches the house Neil momentarily feels relief, until he hears the yelling.

****

Neil can only feel dread when the door of the house bursts open and Tilda walks out and into her car drunk and raving mad.

****

She yells for Aaron to hurry the hell up, and Neil watches Andrew get into the car instead of Aaron, feeling his dread grow. 

****

_ Nonononononononononononono _ .

****

Why is this happening?

****

Aaron watches from the front steps as the car pulls out of the driveway, Tilda still  yelling having no clue that her sons switched.

****

This wasn't going to end well. And there was nothing Neil could do right now but wait.

****

He follows the car closely and can see it perfectly from his vantage point.

****

It almost happens in slow motion, but in reality it happened in about 15 seconds. Those 15 seconds felt like a lifetime 

****

Why? Neil didn't think he'd ever know.

****

But tilda raises a hand, and she slaps him. Or tries to. Andrew grabs her arm before it even touches him.

****

She looks at him in shock

****

Neil can make out the words Andrew is saying, can almost even hear his voice and it's empty tone coming from his terrifyingly blank face. “You won't ever be able to harm Aaron again.”

****

Tilda understands and she watches with dawning horror as Andrew, in a detached expression, lets go of her wrist and in one swift motion jerks the wheel into oncoming traffic.

****

…

****

Neil paced back and forth in front of Andrew's hospital room, not entering but not leaving. Just waiting for when he would be needed. It was past visiting hours but it didn't matter because they couldn't see him. 

****

He stopped in front of Andrew's room and “leaned” on the frame staring in anguish at Andrew’s immobile form.

****

He went back to pacing. All through the night we watched, only leaving when Aaron came to give him some privacy with his brother. Sure Aaron couldn't see him, but Neil knew Aaron wouldn't want Neil to see this.

****

When he did finally come back, visiting hours had passed but the nurses had let Aaron fall asleep in the chair next to Andrew's bedside.

****

Neil “perched” on the window sill, he had to concentrate on the act as to not fall through it, he was so focused he didn't notice Andrew apparate right in front of him until Andrew reached out and Neil fell out of the window from his shock.

****

“What the hell Andrew?!” Neil said as he walked back into the hospital room.

****

So Neil was in purgatory then. Limbo. The in between. An astral plane that held the spirits of people who haven't read can't move on. And Andrew was here, wearing an expression that was probably shock as he stared at Neil.

****

“Shouldn't I be asking you that?” Andrew retorted once he collected himself.

****

Neil sighed and shook his head, stared at the ceiling while counting to ten in every language he knew before answering Andrew. 

****

“I told you I wasn't human.”

****

“I didn't entirely believe you.”

****

Neil grinned crookedly and motioned at himself, “And I suppose you do now?”

****

“Yes.”

****

Neil sighed again losing his grin and semi-false cheer, leaving them to fall into silence.

****

“You're not going to ask?” Andrew finally said after some time. 

****

“Don't need to.” Neil replied sadly.

****

Andrew looked like he would say more but didn't, whatever internal struggle was going on Neil would let him have it.

****

He was really really tired.

****

“You're not breathing.” Andrew points out. Neil knows it wasn't what he'd been fighting with, and Andrew isn't one to make idle chatter, but it was possible that the silence was affecting him the way it was Neil.

****

It was possible he was checking if this, whatever this was, was still okay.

****

Neil wasn't quite happy with Andrew, but he knew something would happen eventually that would ruin this, and he was going to make the most of his possible  last moments.

****

“I don't need to breathe like this.” He replied.

****

“You're not alive then.” 

****

Neil tilted his head and considered. “I'm not dead.”

****

“Are you undead?”

****

Neil grinned wide showing fangs, only to receive a mildly interested eyebrow raise from Andrew.

****

“Sorry, not a vampire.” Andrew shrugged, but the indent between his eyes deepened, the only outward sign of emotion.

****

“What are you then?” He asked.

****

Neil did not and had never known, all he could say was, “I exist.”

****

“Don't we all.” Was Andrew's monotone reply.

****

Which is when Neil snapped.

****

He couldn't stand in silence, staring at Andrew’s broken body, while Andrew just accepted his life was already over.

****

“You have to go back.”

****

“Do i?” He sounded bored, but Neil could almost  _ feel _ Andrew's thoughts.

****

“Your brother needs you.”

****

“You need me more.”

****

“I know…” Neil took in his own flickering appearance, like a candle losing a fight against a strong breeze.

****

“But i don't.” He lied.

****

“You do.” Andrew's insistence wrecked Neil, but he couldn't let Andrew give up his life for him. He  _ couldn't. _

****

“Maybe.” Neil agreed.

****

“Maybe not.”  _ Not the way you want me to need you right now. _

****

“Do you want me to go.”

****

_ Never.  _

****

“No.” His voice was firm “I want you to stay, but so does Aaron. So you have to go.”

****

Andrew remained stubborn, and Neil no longer wondered if it was possible to fall so in love with someone you'd die for them.  _ He wondered if his love would be enough to live for Andrew. _

****

“Nickys coming. Aaron won't need me.”

****

“You don't believe that. I can tell when you're lying remember?”

****

Andrew wouldn't look at him, but Neil knew that Andrew's resolve was crumbling.

****

“You made him a deal. Not me.” It was a cheap shot, a low blow, but he would burn the world for Andrew, Neil's own life was nothing compared to his.

****

“Make a deal with me then.” 

****

“I won't help you break a promise Drew.”

****

He opened his mouth to say something, anything to stop Neil from being a martyr, but Neil drew him close and just looked at him. He was weary, and sad. Faded. Neil had hope but even the auburn hair upon his head dimmed with the knowledge that he had no real plan. Still, he remembered Andrew's words and quoted them back.

****

“I won't be like them.” He whispered. “I won't let you let me be.”

****

Andrew glared.

****

“I hate you.”

****

Neil smiled faintly. “I know.”

****

…

****

Neil crossed the astral plane right back to Baltimore. It was harder than before without the tug of Andrew to make the journey quicker. He had spent too long away watching over Andrew  and other Neil needed to be alive so that he could live and reunite with Andrew. So that Andrew would know that Neil had tried his hardest to stay.

****

But it was too late.

****

Human Neil's body was still alive (but in extreme disrepair) although quickly dying. His soul and self were gone which meant the body wouldn't last with no one to fight to stay alive.

****

Neil collapsed to his knees in absolute silence. The hope that everything would be fine and work itself out slowly lost itself in the realization that it was not going to be alright.

****

“It's just a shell now.” Said a cool disinterested voice behind him.

****

Neil turned and saw Ichirou.  _ Death _ . A real monster he was. Neil beheld his old companion who was still as terrifying and beautiful as the first day Neil met him.

****

“Hello Ichi.”

****

Ichirou scowled at the nick name. “What trouble have you caused this time Nathaniel?”

****

Neil looked down at the broken body in shame at having his  _ friend _ come to see his mess yet again.

****

“I fell in love with a human.”

****

Ichirou sighed. “Oh Natt.”

****

“It's your fault.” He recalled.

****

Neil felt more than saw Ichirou nod his head. “It may partially be. Even with me stealing your memories you've always hated this life and craved more.”

****

Ichirou grabbed a chair a sat on it a bit behind Neil. Neil took the invitation that it was, to lean back and rest against Ichi’s legs.

****

“Why?”

****

“Why take them you mean?” At Neil's nod Ichi sighed again this time with a hint of sadness.

****

“I know you don't remember, but you despised your existence and did everything thing in your power to find a way to not be the monster you were supposed to be. Eventually you tried starving yourself just so you wouldn't kill people. I couldn't let you die, so I took away your memory, but eventually you always figured it out and it was back to square one because you would starve yourself again. It was selfish of me, but I didn't want you to die. I bound you to be called by the words I'm fine and stole most of your existence away from your mind.”

****

“It didn't work.” Neil stated flatly.

****

“No.” Ichirou agreed musingly. “None of the times. Though I must say I didn't see this coming.”

****

“I love him.” Neil said after a beat of silence.

****

“I know Natt.”

****

Neil let that sink in and changed the subject. “ I only remember you when I see you.”

****

Ichirou nodded. “I made the curse like that. I never wanted you to forget me but it worked better if you couldn't remember me unless I was there.”

****

“How many times have we had this conversation Ichi?”

****

“I've lost count Natt, although I stopped counting after you began to ask every time I had to come back and reset you. I hate lying to you y'know.”

****

“When was the last time you did reset me?”

****

Ichirou gave Neil a sharp look telling him not to push too far with this line of questioning but he responded anyway. “Not long. Less than a decade for sure.”

****

“Are you going to reset me again?”

****

Ichirou stared at Neil and Neil stared back defiantly. 

****

“No. You know I'm not.”

****

“Then why are you here Ichi?”

****

Ichirou looked at him with an emotion Neil couldn't describe.

****

“You're my friend.” He said eventually.

****

“And you're mine.” Neil agreed.

****

Neil waited for Ichirou to realize he still needed to say more.

****

“You're demonic Neil.”

****

“And?”

****

“There is an empty body in front of you.”

****

Neil scowled when he understood what Ichirou was alluding to. “It won't work, right? I've tried on others before haven't I? And it obviously didn't work considering our situation.”

****

“It didn't work then, it may not now,” he conceded “However, those bodies weren't empty or completely compatible like this one is.”

****

“I wasn't this weak either.”

****

Ichirou scoffed, “You've never been weak Natt. You're the only one of us with a conscience, and despite what the others may think, I've always believed that made you stronger. And your ability to feed on pain and luck is an admirable one admittedly. It would certainly have come in handy if you had taken me up on my offer all those years ago.”

****

Neil snorted. “I've no interest in becoming your prince Ichi.”

****

“King consort actually,” He corrected. “And yes I know. So here we are.”

****

Neil was still doubtful and Ichirou could tell.

****

“I'll take care of everything if it works.” Ichirou promised.

****

“And if it doesn't, I'll die?”

****

“Unfortunately that is most likely.”

****

“Shit.” He breathed. “Possession. I'm going to try and steal my own self’s body.”

****

“Good luck.” Ichirou wished him with a kiss on Neil's cheek and Neil realized this was Ichi saying goodbye, “I'll wait outside until it's over.”

****

“Thank you.” 

****

Ichirou looked over his shoulder to give Neil a knowing smile.

****

“I'll miss you Ichi.” Neil said truthfully. His friend was still his friend, even with his misguided help. Neil wouldn't have met Andrew without Ichirou intervening so it wasn't so bad.

****

Ichi laughed. “Don't lie Natt, we both know if this goes the way it's going that you won't even remember me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyyyyy, so, how was that? tell me in the comments, or drop a kudos, or visit my blog on tumblr its a great place to be, I haven't seen the bottom of it since I made a tumblr blog so you could probably spend days going through it. im too lazy to write my blogs name sooooo visit another chapter to find it!


	11. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you everyone for sticking by me and reading this all the way to the end, and for commenting such lovely things. thank you to everyone who kudosed this and to all my friends who put up with me while I wrote this, I hope you all enjoy the ending as much as I enjoyed writing it

**_A FEW YEARS LATER_ **

 

Andrew is wandering around the grounds of palmetto state university. It's his second year so he doesn't  _ need _ to, but something told him he should be outside today.

 

The air is crisp and the leaves are already starting to fall off the trees, giving the campus a rather autumn time feel that Andrew was actually  _ enjoying.  _ It wasn't cold enough that he felt the need to bundle himself up, but he was dressed in a very soft pair of sweats that were baggy and hung low on his hips, paired with an oversized black jumper with sleeves that completely covered his hands.

 

Andrew felt almost peaceful. Although that wasn't really the right word. It was more like the feeling of being calm, yet at the same time in pain. 

 

Pain. Because he hadn't seen Neil since Andrew had died and fallen into coma after being revived. Neil was an old wound that hurt almost always. Like a really nasty break that healed but felt bad on rainy days, and it never really went away, there was always that twinge of pain constantly nagging in the back of your mind.

 

He hated it.

 

He hated Neil.

 

He hated missing Neil.

 

He hated that he had to miss Neil.

 

Where the fuck did he go? Why did he leave Andrew? He distinctly remembers telling the idiot to stay.

 

“Andrew!” Nicky called from across the field he was currently walking across (ignoring all the perfectly good nearby paths and sidewalks).

 

Andrew didn't dain to respond, but he did stop so his cousin and brother could catch up to him.

 

Nicky flounced over while Aaron drudged behind him.

 

Their relationship had gotten better, almost sibling like in their own way. It was mostly due to Nicky. Without him to force the twins to get their shit together, Andrew was sure one of them would have been dead by now.

It probably would have been him to be honest. Once he realized Neil was  _ gone _ , dying didn't seem so bad. But Aaron needed him, and Nicky too in his own fucked up way.

 

Neil had wanted him to live.

 

Some shrinks had told him it was survivors guilt. Of Course they meant that in terms of his mother, but he was the one who killed her so he did not agree.

 

Whatever he felt was due to one auburn haired boy, who told him to go when he should have stayed.

 

“So i was thinking,” said Nicky breaking Andrew from his thoughts. “We should go to columbia tonight one last time before the season starts. I know Kevin won't let us go again until we win… Or lose so badly that he feels like getting shitfaced drunk.”

 

Aaron snorted and Nicky tried to frown at him before snickering a bit himself. Andrew on the other hand remained stoic.

 

Kevin was an extremely talented baseball player who was as fucked up as the rest of them cause of some trauma and abuse from when he was younger.

 

Some dipshit broke his hand a while back but Kevin just learned to pitch with his right. Fucking junkie.

 

At the moment he was hyped up about some player he picked out but Andrew didn't really give a shit. He played for his brother and his cousin. 

 

_ He played for Neil. _

 

Neil who had told him he could be something. That he was something already. That he could be more than what everyone thought of him.

 

Nicky continued chatting once he saw Andrew wasn't going to reply anytime soon and eventually Andrew just tuned him out. It was too nice a day for it to be ruined by pointless shit like this.

 

It was weird that he could have nice days, but… pleasant? Things he never would have felt without Neil. Things he didn't like feeling because Neil wasn't here. Things he could feel because he lived and got help and met Bee.

 

The shrinks may have been a little bit correct.

 

“-ndrew?” Nicky said bringing him back to the conversation at hand.

 

“What?” he asked blankly.

 

“I said would you like some coffee? Aaron wants some and i wouldn't mind a hit.” 

 

Oh. Andrew shrugged, his cousin’s care still made him uncomfortable. He hadn't made a deal with him, so why did Nicky care about Andrew?

 

Still, Nicky took Andrew's shrug as a yes and ran after Aaron shouting to get Andrew his usual even though he really could have just waited until he caught up to Aaron to tell him.

 

It warmed Andrew's cold miserable heart that they knew his preference for the shitty drink. (Fuck he's so emo.)

 

With them gone he walked around until he found a tree that still had some shade and was in direct sight of the shop to settle down under. He lit a cigarette and used it to keep his hands warm and mind occupied.

 

Thankfully they didn't take long, and were back with the coffees before he was halfway done his cigarette.

 

Aaron's disgust wrinkled his nose at the sight of it.

 

“I thought you quit.” in response, Andrew blew a puff of smoke in his direction and Nicky had to stop Aaron from swatting at Andrew.

 

“Ok that's enough of that. C’mon, we're waiting for Matt and Dan to show. Apparently they stole the new recruit and are showing him around.”

 

Aaron groaned and Andrew had to agree. The upperclassmen were  _ annoying _ . More so than Kevin. The only truly tolerable one was Renee, and Andrew knew she was out with Allison, her girlfriend but also an upperclassmen (the worst of the bunch really.)

 

“Andrew tell Nicky no.” Aaron tried in vain to get Andrew to help him out of what was soon to be a very social situation.

 

Instead Andrew blew more smoke in Aaron's direction.

 

Nicky pulled Aaron a safe distance away in hopes of stopping a murder before stepping in between them.

 

“You really are children. Like guys what the fuck? Can't we be civil for once.”

 

The look Andrew gave him was response enough.

 

Luckily, before Nicky could start another one of his overly dramatic tearful rants (not that Nicky would consider his lengthy speeches rants) his phone pinged catching his attention better than a dog’s to a squirrel.

 

“They should be here soon! Quick, how do I look?” From behind Nicky, Aaron gagged and Andrew remained impassive.

 

Nicky whined. “Why are you two so mean? All I want to do is look nice and make a good first impression! He has severe amnesia and I don't want him thinking that the world is made out of dark goth emo short kids.”

 

The argument wasn't so unreasonable until Nicky continued.

 

“And, since he has no memory he may be up to… Experimenting!”

 

When Aaron gagged this time Andrew nodded his head at his twin and received an incredulous but grateful expression.

 

“We don't want to hear about your sexcapades Nicky.” Andrew dead panned.

 

“And what about Erik?” Aaron chimed, effectively distracting Nicky (although in no way succeeding in shutting him up.)

 

Nicky continued talking and Aaron pulled out his phone leaving Andrew the job of pretending to pay attention to Nicky (he heard every word so it wasn't like the information wasn't saved away forever.) He mostly just drank his coffee, a sugary confection that disgusted pretty much everyone. Since it was autumn Nicky had even gotten the pumpkin flavouring added because Andrew like it.

 

What a weird fucking thing to say.

 

“Hey look there they are!” Nicky practically shrieked, which pulled Andrew’s attention away from (trying to) read a sign on the coffee shop’s window. (He really did need glasses.)

 

When he looked up, his heart stopped.

 

He had no problem seeing the boy in front of him.

 

The flash of fiery hair made his breath catch. It had happened before, Andrew thinking about him so hard and so much that Andrew thought he was everywhere.

 

But it was the face the hair belonged to that made his heart stop.

 

He wasn't even facing Andrew, not completely. But Andrew could tell from his short stature and small lithe frame. The shape of his face and nose and cheekbones. The rabbit complex.

 

“Neil?”

 

Aaron looked up sharply but Andrew wasn't looking at him.

 

Andrew was looking at Neil. The boy he'd thought he'd lost forever. Just like that Andrew's calm composure snapped.

 

“Neil!”

 

His head snapped up instantly and turned in Andrew's direction, where Andrew finally got to see the breathtaking face that haunted him, the icy blue eyes that belonged to the boy he'd fallen for.

 

The one he hated so so much.

 

In his eyes there was no hint of unrecognition, if he had amnesia it was gone now.

 

Neil said something that looked a lot like Andrew’s name before he started running. Towards Andrew, who had already said yes what felt like 1000 times over before Neil reached him and jumped right. Into. His. Arms. Andrew thanked the God only Renee truly believed in that he chose weightlifting as a pastime so that he could hold Neil up now, with his legs around Andrew’s waist and arms around Andrew’s shoulders.

 

Neil pressed their foreheads together, he was mumbling something unintelligible and gasping like he was coming back to life. Maybe he was.

 

Andrew could hear the others, feel them looking at him and Neil, but he didn't really give a fuck.

 

“Where were you?” Andrew said.

 

Neil shook his head tears streaming down his face. “I thought I died.” He sounded so scared it physically hurt.

 

“But you didn't.” Neil choked on a laugh at Andrew's bored tone.

 

“Appears so.” 

 

Neil clung to Andrew and Andrew in turn held him tighter.

 

“Yes or no?” Andrew ~~_finally_~~ flatly asked Neil.

 

Neil smiled wobbly. “Yes Drew. It's always a yes with you.”

 

Andrew muttered Junkie under his breath before finally,  _ finally  _ pulling his idiot’s face down for a kiss.

 

_ (Was that why he lived?) _

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't said this before because I wanted to wait until the end, but if any of you are interested in some other povs or events that happened in the story, or just want some snapshots of them in the future, I could be (very easily) convinced to write some extras, as always you can find me on tumblr @i-care-bout-things-too or just drop a comment and ill get back to you! thank you once again for reading this!


	12. Announcement!!

hi guys, id just like to thank everyone who left a comment on the last chapters, they all made me so happy, and I promise I'll reply to them all individually when my life actually gets back to normal! a lot of you said you wanted extras so that is what I'm here to announce! I've started a spinoff fic (sort of) set between chapter 10 and the epilogue, and its pretty much Neil's life in the 2 years he was missing and how he eventually gets back to Andrew. Here is a small snippet from what I've got done so far, this might take me a while to write but I hope you guys will enjoy the finished product!

 

_**SNIPPET** _

 

… But you forget my friend, I am a liar too. I even taught it to you, but it seems you've forgotten with all that truth business. We are demons.”

 

His fingers came to a halt, decision made clear.

 

“I made it no secret that I wanted you by my side, I respected your wishes and your reasons when you declined. I don't know what changed in that time, how some human managed to win you away, or that you could even be won.”

 

He paused a moment to listen to nothing made apparent, “This is an opportunity I will not waste Nathaniel. Should I not succeed I've lost no less, but I stand to gain more than you know.”

 

Against his will a finger rose.

 

“You've failed to recall I am no ordinary demon.”

 

It fell, one last time.

 

“I promised I'd take care of things.”

 

_ Tap. _

 

“I never promised to not interfere.”

  
  



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